The other day, I was watching season 1 of "Gilmore Girls", and it was the episode where Dean tells Rory he loves her for the first time, and she totally freezes up on him. Because she didn't know how to react and didn't say the words back to him, it essentially lead to their breakup. Rory doesn't tell her mother why they broke up, only that they did. Somewhere along the lines Rory and Lorelai have a conversation about being able to say "I love you" to someone because of how she grew up, and Lorelai didn't want to raise a daughter who couldn't say the words to someone.
I found that particularly interesting. See, I'm a more reserved person, and I don't find it easy to say, but when I do say it, I want to mean it. Oh yeah, sometimes there's those instances when someone does you a huge favor, and I'll say "Oh my God I love you" as a way of expressing my gratitude. But when it comes to those people who are really important - friends, family, significant others - I want to be able to say it, especially because I truly mean it. And it's hard for me, and I'll admit, that kinda bothers me. I have a friend who always tells people she loves them. I wish I could be like that. But at the same time, I don't want to say it just to say it either.
I guess the same rule would also apply to the words "I hate you", which I've said numerous times in jest(?) when I'm uber jealous *g* But really, these 3 words are also very powerful, and very hurtful, and probably should never be said. Funnily enough, I find them rather easy to say. Huh. And I know I've said them and probably even meant them at the time. (Though rarely shown, I do have quite the nasty temper and don't hold back when in one of my rages. But that's a story for another time LOL).
How about you, do you have a hard time saying "I love you"?
What other words/phrases shouldn't be said unless you really mean them?
posted by Stacy~ at 7/20/2009 07:14:00 AM
I completely agree, those three words (either set) should not be tossed around lightly! I hear my daughter and her friends saying "I love you" to their boyfriends and I cringe. "IT's not love, not yet, and when you truly experience it you will know with out a doubt that you are in love, right now it is just an infatuation that will last for about a month if you are lucky" These are the words I tell my daughter, she rolls her eyes as if I had no clue as to what I was saying. It was always way to easy for me to say I Love You, maybe b/c I grew up in a house where it was expressed enough and was looking for it, I don't know. It took me getting my heart broken a couple of times before I learned my lesson. I refused to say the words, except to my daughter and my "bestest" friend.
byI hate you is another phrase Iwould throw around when I was younger, not so much now. I am teaching my youngest, You don't hate you just strongly dislike the person. I have even said something along the lines of "I love you, but I really don't like you right" now to my husband.
It's funny, I tell my family I love them all the time. And I've been in love before, but I think the words have such power. You need to be careful about when and to whom you say them.
byI rarely say I love you, even to my family. I'm emotionally blocked like that. ;) Plus I'm always shocked when someone says that to me. My mom's friend said "Love you," to me the other day, and I was like, "Um, er, you too?" *grimace* But I suppose there's a big difference between something like love ya! and I love you.
by*thinks* *thinks harder*
by...I don't think I've ever said it. I come from a very emotionally detached family. We rarely if ever hugged. I still remember how shocked I was when my grandfather hugged me goodbye when I went on my OE. He also had tears in his eyes. He was probably the person in the family I felt closest too but yet I never told him how important he was to me :(
I guess it depends on how you were raised, but it is important to know the power those words have and to use them...at the right time. And I miss him every day...
*SIGH* I've obviously still got a long way to go. Very good question Stacy! Lots of food for thought!
We don't say it in our family and we don't really kiss or hug either except with my son. I wish that we could but it just doesn't feel natural to say it. I hope that I by saying it with my son that I am making him a little freer in his future life but I don't know.
byMy oldest friend always says it and even after all these years I still don't really feel natural responding to him when he says it!
Wow, you know, I think the words "I love you" often, however, I do have a hard time saying them. Well, not really a hard time, it's more along the lines of I feel awkward saying them.
byTake my dad, he's a real man's man. You know, tough and doesn't really voice his emotions often. There are so many times I want to tell him I love him but then feel kind of stupid about it. Then I think to myself one say I won't be able to say them and then how will I feel? Ugh, it's a toughy sometimes.
As for "I hate you"...I rarely--if ever--say that. Those words are awfully harsh. Someone would have to have done something unforgivable or just completely awful for me to say that to them.
I'm sorry. Don't say it unless you mean it!
byI don't think you should say either sets of words unless you truly mean it. Like you said those are very powerful words. Plus, I feel if you don't throw them around like confetti, when you actual do say them, there is more power and meaning behind them.
byBTW, I'm also a very reserved person when it comes to saying how I really feel, too.
Heather, I remember those intense days of "being in love", but it's rarely the real thing at that age, is it? As for growing up saying it, not in my house. Not that we weren't loved, but it wasn't ever verbalized, and I think that's because my parents also grew up in reserved households when it came to saying the words.
byKati, it's nice you can easily say the words to your family. We weren't like that, so it takes some getting used to when saying the words LOL.
Heidenkind, I know, it's kinda strange when people you wouldn't expect it from say it to you. It's like "huh?" I'm so closed off to people I guess LOL
Orannia, we weren't big huggers either. We fought a lot, not seriously, but that seemed to be the way we expressed "affection". I guess we were too self-conscious with the warm, fuzzy feelings. That's my family for ya.
Marg, I know! I feel like by not saying it I'm holding something back, but sometimes I think my friends & family know because I express it non-verbally. Perhaps a cop-out but it is what it is.
Barbara, I think it does matter to whom you are speaking to when you say the words. Sometimes it's someone who may be feel just as awkward to hear it as we are to say it.
Anonymous: Interesting. I guess that's true. Sometimes people say it and you know they don't mean it, that it's just a sarcastic response. But you should say it because you mean it, not to mock someone else.
Donna, I feel better knowing there's more people out there who feel this way. Weird, I know, but it's always been hard to express myself, and I think I'd feel back if I were the only one who thought that. Now if I could write it out....