My friend, B, had started seeing this guy from work awhile back, and he didn't want anyone from work to know, so other than me and a few close girlfriends, she didn't tell anyone. He was also clear that he didn't want to get into a serious relationship. So her and the guy went out for several months in secret, but then he broke things off with her. They still get together once or twice a month for a booty call (according to her, he has magical powers in that department. Hmmm). Fine, whatever. But this past weekend, before getting to business, they went out to a movie first, and she calls that "dating". Dating? Huh? Are they back together, did he want to start seeing her again and/or let people know they are "together"? No, nothing like that, but is she right, is that dating? Personally, I don't think so. I think it's just the time together spent before the booty call, nothing more meaningful than that.
So another friend, L, who knows B, is joking around about this because she has been in booty call status with her guy for 6 years, practically a marriage, and she's quite happy with the situation and neither of them wishes to change that. If one of them decided to start seeing someone whether casually or seriously, then they would break it off, and that's the understanding between them. Not my thing, but it works for them, no one is getting hurt and the itch is being scratched. But in light of B's situation, L's being a bit of a smart ass and poses the question: if she goes out to a concert before going back to her guy's place, is that a date? If she washes the dishes at his house, does that mean they are in a relationship? (Like I said, smart ass). L doesn't think so; they've never talked about "dating" as in something more meaningful than just a hook-up, which only happens maybe once a month, if that.
Could B be right, is she dating her guy? L and I say "no", but maybe we're just cynical bitches. I leave it up to you to help explain this to 2 clueless friends who essentially don't want B to get her hopes up or her heart broken. Yeah, she's a big girl, but she's rather naive when it comes to the men in her life - according to her, they never lie. Sometimes she needs to be saved from herself.
And how was your weekend?
Labels: booty calls, dating, whatever
posted by Stacy~ at 6/25/2007 05:50:00 AM
Hi Stace - Well, as someone who has recently dipped her toes back into the dating pool, I'd say no. Sounds like both those girls have what I'd call "friends with benefits" or "Booty-buddies."
byFor me, dating is what I'm currently up to: dinner/appetizers/drink out and then possibly going back to one of our houses for some cuddling on the couch. A couple times a week
A relationship is: not having to say who's calling when you call -- they just recognize your voice; you see them at least five nights a week; you spend the night; you go on vacation together; you're having sex; you're committed.
A booty call/FWB is someone who you call up on Friday for a little sumpin' sumpin'. Not that there's anything wrong with it, it's not for me either.
Sounds like a guy's ideal relationship to me. Call me old fashioned but if someone was too embarrassed to admit to seeing me, I'd dump his a** and find someone worthy of all the booty :)
byI'd have to go with "Friends with Benefits" on this, too. When you're in a relationship it's understood that you're together. Your friends know, you see each other often, and you're committed to each other. A FWB type situation is where maybe you hang out once in awhile - see a movie, have dinner, whatever - but mostly it's just for sex. I would say if she's thinking their "dating" she needs to get out.
byThe FWB situation may have worked for her before, but now I think she's getting more involved than he is, which isn't ever good.
Like Toni said, Move on and find someone who deserves her.
Nope, she isn't dating him! I agree with what everyone else says. When you're dating, you see each other often not just meet for booty calls once a month and go out to dinner one of those times.
byI had a great weekend. Spend it with my hubby and family!
I'm no dating expert (I can't even remember my when I had my last date LOL), but I'd go with everyone else and say No. I agree with what Toni said-- it sounds like a guy's ideal relationship to me.
byI'd like to think I'd never put up with that kind of thing, though I suppose I really don't know what I'd do until I am in the actual situation. I'd tell B to be careful, because it sounds to me like she expects more out of the "relationship" than the guy does.
I thought the same thing, Friends with benefits. Yikes she is so not dating. (though I haven't had a date in years I could be wrong)
byFor me you are dating when its more then just the sex. Its seeing each other, calling, being there for each other.
It's unanimous - booty call central. I agree with you guys who say you wouldn't put up with that from a guy. We all deserve better.
byI think it's damn important to respect yourself and not settle for being someone's dirty little secret. I love my friend dearly, but she can be so stubborn when it comes to the guys she's with, and she keeps saying how sweet and considerate he is - and I must be blind as a bat because I just don't see that at all.
MK, as for the FWB lifestyle, I believe that some women are perfectly happy with it and I say that's fine by me, but I'm personally not a booty-call kinda girl.
Er, she needs a reality check. Men never lie?! Only if they are really really your friends. Bootu call guys and dating guys, well, they will tell you what you wanna hear. Your friend is fooling herself and wasting her time on someone who isn't worth it IF she is looking to get serious. She probably hopes he'll come around and they'll be together. I seriously doubt it. It's not dating. It's just hanging out before the booty call. ANd doing his dishes?!?! Oh HELLS no!
byDefinitely booty call time, not dating. It's never dating if he won't acknowledge it publicly, IMO. And it's not even FWB, if he won't acknowledge it. Cause that doesn't make him a friend, again IMO. She's oviously more invested in this than he is. She needs to move on and get a really good BOB.
byRight on, Mailyn.
byLOL Lori. I have to say I agree with that one.