As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am my own best friend. It takes me awhile to feel comfortable enough to share my thoughts and feelings. I think it's because when I was little, I didn't have many friends. I was the ugly girl, and even at the young age of 5 or 7 or 9, kids notice those things. I had really short hair, so people used to ask my parents if me and my two brothers were "you three sons"? Especially since I wore jeans and t-shirts like they did. My mom, God bless her, used to dress me in dresses when I went to school, which meant I couldn't play outside because then I'd get all dirty, so of course, that meant I didn't really have anyone to hang out with. It's probably how I really discovered my love of reading, and I received the most gold stars for doing the most book reports LOL. I was such a geek!
Anywayz, this is not about trying to make anyone feel sorry for me because of my childhood - I've long since gotten past that stage, and I am comfortable in my own skin, and have absolutely no problem being on my own at all. In fact, a lot of the time, I prefer it. Hopefully I've learned to be more sensitive to others, and not exclude others. And it wasn't all bad. I still have a lot of good memories from that time, believe it or not.
Yet life still has a way of keeping us humble. I have a friend, Liz, that I've known for about 10 1/2 years. We met when she came to work for my company as a temp, and despite the fact that we were so different - she was high-maintenance, moody, saw everything in black & white, didn't easily forgive (if at all), and has terrible taste in movies - we got along very well. We even had a tendency to drool over some of the same guys, though it was the ones we saw as eye candy, not as potential boyfriends. (And she had the "sex on the desk" fantasy way before I ever did!)
She soon left the temp job for a permanent position with another company, and we stayed friends. We nursed each other through broken hearts, went on vacations together, supported each other when life or work through us a curveball, and have tons of great fun and crazy "stalking" memories to our friendship. We didn't always see eye to eye - but we've always been friends. Last year was a major birthday for her, and she was a little depressed about it. I bought her some aquamarine jewelry because it was one of her favorite things, and she loved it because she didn't really have a lot of acquamarines.
Well, she forgot my birthday. After a small pity party, I got over it. I knew it had been a rough year for her with a death of a close family member, changing jobs, and a major broken heart. There are worse things in the world, and she's always been there when I needed to vent or a shoulder to cry on.
This year, March rolled around, and though she'd been busy with her job and we hadn't seen much of each other, I sent her a card and called her on the actual day. Well, guess what? My birthday came...and went. Not a word. I don't know whether to laugh because it is kinda funny in a twisted way, or be insulted. I'm not sure how I feel at this point. I have this image of bringing it up to her and her never talking to me again. Yeah, she's kinda like that. I think I'll give it more time, at least til the end of the year, and see if she realizes it.
So, what's your advice?
What would you do?
I probably should be more mad than I am, but I had such a great birthday this year, which actually lasted more like a week instead of a day, and that's the one time of year I love the attention. I really do have a good life :) So maybe I should just let it go and count the blessings I do have. Life is too short to hold grudges anyway.
posted by Stacy~ at 10/29/2006 09:00:00 PM
Hmmmm...that's a toughy!
byIf it was me, my feelings would be hurt. Your friend sounds like a "taker" and in true friendships, you need to be able to be a "giver" too.
My advice would be for you to be very thankful for all the good things in your life, but maybe rethink how much you invest in your friendship with the double birthday-forgetter. That's just selfish, no matter how you look at it. :)
I know I would have my feelings hurt. I have a couple friends like that. Half the time I don't think they realize it but it still hurts. You have to decide how much her friendship means to you. We all deserve someone who cares about us, like we care about them. Someone who isn't just a taker like Jodi said. I have a hard time with the fact that if you brought it up, she might not be friends with you. I believe friends should never have to worry about being honest with one another. They might not always agree and might get in fights but something like telling someone she hurt your feelings shouldnt end a friendship. If you are comfortable with your friendship the way it is, don't say anything. If it really hurts you, you should talk to her. Good luck.
byThanx guys. I appreciate the support. I know I shouldn't worry so much, but I also don't want to make her feel bad. I'm giving it some time to see if she remembers.
byIs she your best friend or a good friend? Cause that makes a differance. While a good friend shouldn't forget your birthday it's not unforgivable, but if your best friend forgets then it's WRONG!!! If it were me I'd only wait for the day after then call her and be like "Ummm did you forget something???" I'm not saying to be all pissy, but I'd definetly bring it up. Especially since you helped making her's so memorable. Not that you did it so you'd get something back but you know. Well anyway, there are my two cents.
byMan, I would have said something right away. LOL I'm like that though.
byBut I don't know what to say, maybe wait and see-but then bring it up after a while. You don't sound too upset about it, so just let her know that she forgot your birthday two years in a row. And make a joke about it or something. Humour is my last line of defense. :P
I can relate to you 100%. The EXACT same thing situation happened to me. Last year when my good friend "forgot" my birthday, I was very upset since I made a big deal when it was her birthday. This year when she conveniently "forgot" my birthday AGAIN, I just give up completely. I've come to the realization that obviously some people don't prioritize other people's feelings before their own. Selfish is the word. I no longer see this "friend" as a "good friend" anymore. In my heart I've demoted her from being a "good friend" to "just a friend".
by