Last Friday night I went out for dinner with some of my friends from the office. We were celebrating because one of my co-workers just graduated from college with her Bachelor's degree in finance. (She plans on going back after the summer to work on her Master's). We went to Wildfire, a restaurant that I'd never been to but enjoyed very much. It was a lot of fun, the martinis were excellent, and going out is something we don't do often enough. But we made the time that night for my friend because it's a major accomplishment, and we are all so proud of her. It was a big deal to her, so of course it was a big deal to us as well.
Over the drinks and entrees, conversation inevitably turned to our personal lives. At one point, one of the ladies turned to me and said something along the lines of "We've been talking and we think you should sign up with eHarmony". Now some people might take offense to this, but I just laughed (because yes, it was funny!) and asked why would I want to lose what I have: my freedom and the right to choose how I spent my free time. I have no complaints about my situation and don't have any intention of worrying about my single status. For now, it's the path I've chosen and would regret being with someone just for the sake of saying I was not alone.
To be honest, I am much less lonely than some people I know who are involved with someone, and I am thankful for the choice I've made. And the thing is, I don't have to be alone if I don't want to be. I have the option of being with someone right now if that was what I wished - all I have to do is say the word and he's mine. But the "melt" factor is definitely not there for me, and I can't imagine settling for less. I'm selfish, and I want all or nothing.
Interestingly enough, to coincide with this conversation from this past weekend, I came across this post at the Aphrodisia Authors blog while trekking through the blogosphere, and it really made a lot of wonderful sense to me. The definition of the HEA is not only about finding your soulmate and living together forever in romantic bliss (as if!), but about finding what it is that brings you happiness. And as some of the posters pointed out, if you are not happy, then you need to do whatever it takes to change that, and that doesn't necessarily mean "find a man". It could be a career change, a move to a brand-new place, challenging yourself to do something you've never done or something that has scared you (such as living alone or flying). It could be to write the story that's been floating around your head for years, or making peace with someone you've been fighting with, or realizing that yes, you really are a good parent. It's basically about truly loving yourself first. (Yes, it really is "all about me").
So for all of you out there with well-meaning friends (or co-workers), or moms who want grandchildren, take heart. And take pride in your accomplishments and unlimited array of choices. Because hey, you could hop on a plane to Sydney, Australia tomorrow if you so chose to do so, and that is one trip I would love to make - just pass me the sleeping pills :) - and we are on our way to Aussie bliss...well, actually, isn't it winter there, or something close to it? Then you'll just have to go to Greece or Ireland or anywhere your little heart desires. Now that's the point *g* So singles: rejoice!
posted by Stacy~ at 6/20/2006 07:36:00 PM
Well said!
byI am happily married but I can agree with what you said. I have a cousin who is 36 and never been married. She just doesn't want to be and is happy the way things are. I say "whatever makes you happy". (her parents are another story)
I don't think anyone should rush into things. That is where alot of problems stem from.
Well said Stacy. I have been a widow now for 19 years.....I had a good marriage. But since I have been dealt this hand I am quite happy being on my own. Some of my friends can't seem to get it through their heads that I prefer being by myself, and I have lots of other responsibilities, that I don't need to be "involved with someone" to be happy.
byI respect your for not "needing a man". I think a lot of women just dont want to be alone so they end up settling for whoever they come across. As long as you are truely happy, that is all that matters.
by