This is just a boring rant, but one that's been building inside me for quite some time. I have a headache and an upset stomach, so I'm just going to vent and get it out of my system.
About a year or so ago, I switched offices, well what I mean is, I switched locations with another person. I ended up at an office 4 miles away. It was a lateral move, one that gave me more opportunity to do some traveling and break away from the monotony of the same old, same old routine. It was not my idea to re-locate, but it was only supposed to be for a year, then I would go back to my old office, which was where I really wanted to be.
In the course of the last year and 4 months, I got to do a lot of things I wouldn't have been able to do if I had stayed where I was at. Peachy. However always in the back of my mind was the thought that I would be going back. Never once did I consider otherwise. It was what I had my heart set on, and where I really wanted to be.
About 1 month before my year was up, I had a meeting with my manager and the assistant manager. It was part of our 2006 developmental plan meetings, so very routine. And of course the topic of my "assignment" came up, more specifically the fact that it was coming to an end. My manager told me she would honor my decision if I wanted to go back. And I did. Oh yes, it was something I wanted so badly I could taste it. So what I said in response was...."Everyone seems to be happier with the status quo, so I will stay where I'm at provided that I am the one chosen to go back if there is a need for coverage". Yep, I caved under the pressure of being liked.
You see, my co-workers at my new office wanted to keep me instead of taking back the previous "tenant". The "tenant" liked his new home. Stacy could be out of the office more, which was a-okay with me. It was what everyone wanted. Except me. But I sucked it up and played the damn martyr and stayed at the new office. Like an adult, I made a decision and put other people's happiness before my own. It seemed like the mature thing to do.
Well guess what? I resent it. I hate going to my new office. Don't get me wrong, I love the people I work with, even though we have our mood swings and stuff. It's a great group and we do have fun together, even outside of work. But my heart misses my old office, and yeah, it's an ego thing. I was just at the old office yesterday, and it was AWESOME. People "get" me there - my sense of humor, my quirks, my style...or lack thereof. I get up early, eager to get to the office and see everyone and yeah, even flirt a little. I feel good there, and I miss that. But there's also an energy there, a feeling of family and friendship and kinship that motivates me every single day.
Anyway, about a month after I made my decision, I had a bad day. Nothing bad happened; I was just completely "homesick". I wanted to go back, and I wanted to cry because I wanted it so badly. My boss, the assistant manager who is also a friend, took me outside for a little meeting and wanted to know what was wrong, so I told her that I regretted my decision but that I knew it was too late to change my mind because now it was how everyone else wanted it. She apologized, and she was very sincere, but I think she thought I'd get over my attachment.
Well I haven't! I am the world's biggest whiner because I hate going to work at the new office. Everyday I wake up and dread where I have to go. The thing is, I really do have to move on and "get over it". I know that. I'm fully aware of what's expected of me and that I have a responsibility to myself and my co-workers, and that doesn't involve daily pity parties. I so totally get that, but deep down, it doesn't matter. I want what I want and I don't care anymore if it's selfish. I want to be selfish. Sue me.
So there you have it - I want to get my way. It's such a trivial thing, and if that was the worst thing in my life, I should consider myself lucky. I am very lucky. But how do I get past it and end up happy at my current office? That's something I need to figure out, hopefully soon, before it makes me crazier than I already am, and not in a good way....
posted by Stacy~ at 8/24/2006 10:04:00 PM
Thats a hard one stacy!! I know how it feels to dread going to work. I've been there before and it even made me unhappy outside of work. I hope you find a way to make it workout.
byI'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this. Speaking from experience, when you are unhappy in your job, it spills over into the rest of your life too.
byIs there a possibility that the issue of reclaiming your old office can be revisited at a later date? Is there a chance at another job within the company that would allow you to relocate back? I totally understand the nice guy/don't rock the boat approach, but if you are miserable, all of your bosses should be made aware and work on a remdey for you. A lot of places nowadays will just steamroll you unless you are your own best advocate.
I hope this will all work out for you!
Man that stinks! You have the right to vent, and man they should be glad to have someone who is flexible and was willing to move to begin with! Hope it gets better there soon.
byThanx guys. Part of the problem is that one of the girls in my current office was fired Thursday nite (which encouraged the rant) so it's been stressful.
byBarb, as for re-claiming, that's up in the air, but mostly "no", I'm thinking. They like having me where I'm at, which is very nice, and I'm trying to appreciate it, but it's hard. The week after Labor Day is when the person I switched offices with will be on vacation, and I've already told them I want that week over there. It's a no-brainer, really, but I feel like my boss is going to do something to prevent it.
Hi Stacey,
byI think so many of us would identify with you, wanting to turn the clock back in time if we could.
But life brings change. And we keep moving on, even if we'd rather stand still.
You have the gift of all those wonderful good times in the past. That is a grand thing.
Not everyone may stay together at the old office. Eventually,change will come even if you moved back and others will leave and new people come in.
Perhaps, just take things one step at a time and you will get by and who knows the wonderful thing that waits round the corner...
Enjoy the moment!
And here's to keeping my fingers crossed for you.