Today I'm posting today about my real girl crush, my first ever. I'm actually kind of excited about it. Now this is not a "oh you're so pretty I want to hug you" type of girl crush. I've had tons of those. No, this is about really being seriously sexually attracted to a girl. And it recently happened to me.
To be honest, I thought all of 5 minutes about posting this here, where so many people know me, because there might be some who aren't going to understand, or approve. But then I got over that. I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl being attracted to another girl. In fact I think it's beautiful. As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm still me. I just happened to recently had some new feelings I've never had before, and I am completely okay with them. No "my" girl doesn't believe in God, but I do, or at least something more than science, and the God I believe in would totally be into people loving on each other. So I've made my peace with my spiritual side, and believe it's time to let any fear go.
Now this doesn't mean I'm thinking about every girl this way, because truth be told, I'm not. In fact when I first felt the attraction, I would look at other girls and wonder...but no. It hasn't worked liked that for me. So far it's just the one. So if anyone is ever rooming with me for reader events (which is rare cuz I like having my own room), you've got nothing to worry about. Seriously.
So, what is so special about this girl? Well, she's amazingly hot: totally beautiful, incredibly sexy, exceptionally smart, and the one thing that really sealed the deal: a complete book nerd. It's the one thing about her that I can totally relate to and it's nurtured my crush until one day I realized it was more than just thinking she's cute. And it didn't freak me out like I imagined it would.
So some of you who are actually still reading this might be wondering: does she know? Yes she does in fact know. I've been completely honest about it with her. And she's been so sweet with me, teasing me with it ;) But in all reality, this girl is so out of my spectrum that I expect to just crush from afar. And she's wild, so I know I don't stand a chance LOL. She's someone I know from the 'net, so she might see this, but I'm not going to go out of my way to tell her. I did this is for me. Besides, I've been bothering her enough lately, and she's been so patient and encouraging, but I really need to stop being so clingy. It's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster lately, yet all in a good way. And I'm not actually in love with her; she just happens to be my ultimate girl fantasy.
Another reason why I wanted to post this is because over the last several weeks, I've discovered A LOT of women who have similar girl crushes themselves. Some of them are happily married. Some are younger, and more open about their sexuality. So it's not as unlikely as you'd think. Personally I believe we should embrace this side of ourselves and not worry so much about whether other people approve. I've been happier by doing so.
Upon further reflection, I thought I would be completely terrified to post this here, but I'm not. I didn't hesitate for more than a second. Okay maybe 5. But it's really freeing to be honest about this. And It's not like I'm completely surprised. I've read my share of Lacey Alexander books, and yeah, the girl on girl action has been a turn-on for me, so maybe it was only a matter of time before .
Of course now I am wondering how people will react to me at the next get-together. Cuz you know I still like guys, always will. And by that time, who knows, my crush may have fizzled out and that was that. Or maybe it won't. Thing is, I'm still shy and weird and moody and a total dork. I'm melodramatic and immature and silly. See, still me :) I just have a real crush on a girl.
Anyone else want to confess? ;)