Today I'm posting today about my real girl crush, my first ever. I'm actually kind of excited about it. Now this is not a "oh you're so pretty I want to hug you" type of girl crush. I've had tons of those. No, this is about really being seriously sexually attracted to a girl. And it recently happened to me.
To be honest, I thought all of 5 minutes about posting this here, where so many people know me, because there might be some who aren't going to understand, or approve. But then I got over that. I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl being attracted to another girl. In fact I think it's beautiful. As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm still me. I just happened to recently had some new feelings I've never had before, and I am completely okay with them. No "my" girl doesn't believe in God, but I do, or at least something more than science, and the God I believe in would totally be into people loving on each other. So I've made my peace with my spiritual side, and believe it's time to let any fear go.
Now this doesn't mean I'm thinking about every girl this way, because truth be told, I'm not. In fact when I first felt the attraction, I would look at other girls and wonder...but no. It hasn't worked liked that for me. So far it's just the one. So if anyone is ever rooming with me for reader events (which is rare cuz I like having my own room), you've got nothing to worry about. Seriously.
So, what is so special about this girl? Well, she's amazingly hot: totally beautiful, incredibly sexy, exceptionally smart, and the one thing that really sealed the deal: a complete book nerd. It's the one thing about her that I can totally relate to and it's nurtured my crush until one day I realized it was more than just thinking she's cute. And it didn't freak me out like I imagined it would.
So some of you who are actually still reading this might be wondering: does she know? Yes she does in fact know. I've been completely honest about it with her. And she's been so sweet with me, teasing me with it ;) But in all reality, this girl is so out of my spectrum that I expect to just crush from afar. And she's wild, so I know I don't stand a chance LOL. She's someone I know from the 'net, so she might see this, but I'm not going to go out of my way to tell her. I did this is for me. Besides, I've been bothering her enough lately, and she's been so patient and encouraging, but I really need to stop being so clingy. It's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster lately, yet all in a good way. And I'm not actually in love with her; she just happens to be my ultimate girl fantasy.
Another reason why I wanted to post this is because over the last several weeks, I've discovered A LOT of women who have similar girl crushes themselves. Some of them are happily married. Some are younger, and more open about their sexuality. So it's not as unlikely as you'd think. Personally I believe we should embrace this side of ourselves and not worry so much about whether other people approve. I've been happier by doing so.
Upon further reflection, I thought I would be completely terrified to post this here, but I'm not. I didn't hesitate for more than a second. Okay maybe 5. But it's really freeing to be honest about this. And It's not like I'm completely surprised. I've read my share of Lacey Alexander books, and yeah, the girl on girl action has been a turn-on for me, so maybe it was only a matter of time before .
Of course now I am wondering how people will react to me at the next get-together. Cuz you know I still like guys, always will. And by that time, who knows, my crush may have fizzled out and that was that. Or maybe it won't. Thing is, I'm still shy and weird and moody and a total dork. I'm melodramatic and immature and silly. See, still me :) I just have a real crush on a girl.
Anyone else want to confess? ;)
Labels: crushes
posted by Stacy~ at 12/14/2010 07:39:00 AM
Go you, Stace! I really admire the kahunas it takes to write something like this. Even cooler that you've been totally honest w/your crush, that's really brave too.
byFeel weird about you? Um, no, I still love you and think you rock. Maybe even more because I think this post took guts.
I don't have any girl crushes, you know, other than Angelina Jolie, who is my plus one. :oP
<3 you!
LOL. Okay, I'm still trying to figure out what the big deal is. It's a fun post, you're honest and totally yourself. And if you can't say what you're feeling on your blog, what's the point.
byWhile this hasn't happened to me personally (girl crushes). I have met you in person and I think you're totally awesome and that hasn't changed. I still think you're awesome!
Awww Stace....you think your the only one? I don't think any less of you. Your still #1 with me.I commend you for being honest with yourself. I've had a slight girl crush me self. Of course, it was merely superficial 'cause when we actually talked we couldn't have been more different. lol
byKudos for being honest with your crush- to me that sounds even more nerve wracking than blogging about it!
byI've never seen why people make such a big thing out of "girl crushes"- are they really so different than any other crush? Crushing in general is fun and awesome, no matter who it's with :)
I have might have had girl crushes, though never on real people. Though in the end my crushes are just like my pet crushes, lol. Cos I do love my man meat.
byBut I love that you are being so honest :)
Aw Kati you're too cute. Good to know :)
byHey Lynette, maybe I've just been too private of a person most of my life that I'm not used to blurting out all my secrets LOL. I appreciate your sweet words. And I hope to see you again soon :)
Tori :) I know I'm not the only one, but I know not everyone is comfortable admitting it. So I thought, what the hell, right? I'm a big girl now LOL.
D.L. I think some people have this weird issue about "gay" feelings. Like the big deal they make over Oprah. Who cares, right? She could be so lucky ;)
Blodeuedd, long live man meat ;)
hehehe When I was approached to read a book for review the author told me the other books she wrote were f/f and didn't know if I would like them.
byI am married to a man (7 years yesterday) and before we started dating we dated best friends. Best girl friends. I dated a girl, but nothing other than the fact that she turned out to be bat shit crazy and he was, well, him that I ended up with a guy.
It takes guts to tell people and be honest. Girl on girl is ok, so is male on male and just love on love. So there you go. Have fun with your crush babe.
Stacy
byYou're still you & you're too cute.
Great post.
I agree with Lily: just love on love. That's all that matters.
Doesn't bother me in the least and I would still totally room with you. I think its totally normal.....HUGS to you for posting this! YOU ARE AWESOME!
byI love that you posted this and put it all out there. You ARE still you and it's important for people to understand that. I think it's cool that you've got a girl crush in RL. I've only had them on female characters in books. lol
byI know this is going to sound totally superficial, but I crush on people ALL THE TIME! Male, Female, whatever! When I admire someone I just admire them. I am not sure I've ever had one where I was in physical contact with the person, wow that sounds weird saying, but yeah, you are not alone. Girl crushes, boy crushes, they're fun :)
byGo Stacy!!! I've never had a girl crush on someone I actually know, but will say I've had a girl crush on Angelina Jolie for years. I agree with everyone else, love is love.
byBTW, would totally room with you. :)
I've had crushes on several girls, even a couple I've known personally. And once or twice I've felt actual attraction, which to me is more than just a crush.
byI guess the first time I actually admitted it to myself, it was kinda scary, but I realized I'd always been that way.
Never acted on one, especially now that I'm married (though I'm sure it would fulfill more than one fantasy for my pervy husband...lol), but that doesn't mean I don't still get them. :)
Good for you for realizing it and being cool with it!
Pamela
byYou said: When I admire someone I just admire them.
That's exactly right, I just didn't know how to say it. Thanks.
Don't feel bad about what you're feeling. I have had this happen to myself several times already in my life and expect it to happen again.
byI have had crushes on both men and women that I felt like acting on but couldn't. With the other women, I have admired them in a may be too clingy way. But you can't control what your head says you feel about a person.
I'm just rambling but am glad that you have an outlet to release some of those feelings on.
I don't have any girl crushes, but don't see anything wrong with them..I think that it's great that you are so honest about it-to her and us. Thanks for sharing!
by(((Stacy)))
byYou go girl! I think you're amazing...for being honest with yourself - that's so hard to do!
As for feeling weird, nope! Not in the slightest. People love...who they love.
No girl crushes here :)
You go girlfriend! I won't think anything different about you at the get-together. It's all completely normal to have crushes on girls. I had one with my next door neighbor right at the time I was starting to have any type of sexual feelings. I wanted to dress like her, have bigger boobs like her, have boyfriends like her, etc. But I also wanted her to like me for me! I didn't however want to act on my feelings towards her and scare her away from having anything to do with me at all. I kept my crush over her to myself. She still doesn't know about it to this day. We just reunited after losing touch for years right after my mother died 3 years ago. She also happened to be my matron of honor 26 years ago too...and just a great friend. Way to express yourself and being honest too! It's great you could do this openly as well on your blog! Luv yas!
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