Stacy's Place on Earth
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Wednesday, October 27, 2010:
Self Image: How that Marie Claire article brought out all kinds of insecurities

A lot of people have read and posted about that extremely rude, insensitive and cruel article Marie Claire had posted yesterday, and as a woman, I don't blame them. The romance community is a very passionate, empowered, vocal group, and they tend to speak out against injustice and unfair treatment. One of myriad reasons why I love it so.

What really bothers me about crap like that being published is that it's just not about weight anymore. It becomes a bigger issue. A person's weight is just one of the most noticable things about a person, but then the critical eye starts zeroeing in on other "problem" areas: the blemishes, the wrinkles, the crooked teeth. And much like weight, not all of this flaws are so easy to fix. I have problem skin, and I've tried many different ways to "fix" it, but my skin chemistry changes, so what worked last month doesn't necessarily prove to be as effective today. If I had the money, there's lots of areas I would improve upon. But then where does it stop?

I had written a post months back about Heidi Montag and plastic surgery, and this post is very similar. I bring it up because I look at some of the women in the media today - the Kardashians and Paris Hilton, for example. They don't really seem to have any talent other than they come from rich families and they've all been on reality tv shows. And some people may consider them beautiful, but I find them boring. [I just watched the episode of "Supernatural" where Paris makes an appearance, and she freaked me out because she's like a human Barbie doll, and that made me skeert. The devil's got nothing on her.] But the point is that they all look incredibly plastic, they worry about things that I can't relate to, they live a lifestyle I will never know, and yet this is who represents "real" women? I don't think so.

But because of what the media forces feeds us, these are the examples we're given. Imagine being a 12-year-old girl or even a 19-year-old girl seeing this on television and in magazines, and what that does to their self esteem. We aspire to be 110 pounds with blinding white teeth, shiny hair, fake boobs, and the personality of lint. But why? This may not be the best example, considering some of her antics, but before Star Jones went crazy, I actually admired her because she was a smart, sassy woman with very definite opinions. I didn't always agree with her, but I liked what she represented. She took pride in how she looked, and I thought she was a wonderful example of a strong, successful, beautiful woman. She was rather heavy, and yes, I understood that for health reasons, she was trying to lose weight. Then she went and met some guy, starting losing weight (due to surgery), and basically went nuts. Soon after she ended up leaving "The View". And after losing all that weight, I don't think she was all that attractive. And mainly, it was her personality that suffered the most.

Yes it's true that we are attracted - or not attracted - to a person's looks. I can't lie about that. You know how I stare at Jensen Ackles' lips while I watch "Supernatural", and that I think Gerard Butler is hot even though he's still a man ho. But in real life, the majority of the guys I've been attracted to and dated have not been gorgeous. And some of my friends have even questioned my taste on occasion. But it was their sarcastic humor or their ability to take a joke around that I fell for. The fact that they loved animals. Little things that mattered to me. Guys are nowhere as concerned with their own looks as much as we are. The bastards.

So why can't women be a bit easier on themselves and not nitpic so much? Why are their magazines writing about fat people like they are the scourge of the earth? Why can't I appreciate my size 12 & 5'5" frame more, admire my green eyes, small wrists and hands instead of see the cankles, the blemishes, the crooked teeth? Why can't I be relieved that I am in my late 30's and I don't have to dye my hair? Why do I think I need to have a new nose and bigger boobs and a smaller butt to be happy?

So yeah, thank you Marie Claire again for trying to make women feel ugly not for just being fat, but for every imperfection we possess and even those we imagine we have. But gues what - you are WRONG. The women that I know out in the romance community are amazing - funny, smart, spirited, fearless, strong, brave, independent, silly, weird, kind, unique, and beautiful. So don't be thinking you can take that away from them. You just made yourself look like an ass. #MarieClaireFAIL.


  1. *shakes head* That article just makes me go grrrrr!!!

    What an ass. And oh yes I am sure all slim models are perfectly healthy *coughs* They are in an industry that drives them to be skinny even thought it could kill them.

    I guess only pretty slim people are ok in her book. I hate that I complain about my weight, I actually weigh exactly what I should for someone for my height..but I still wish I was thinner, because that is what I see on tv and in magazines

  2. Wonderful post. When I read that article I was shocked-then pissed.
    What a heartless post by Maura Kelly. YOu hit the nail on the head. We are bombarded with what the world considered, "true beauty" which often comes at the price of a knife. Yet that isn't what the world represents.
    Everyone is beautiful-no matter of shape, size, color, or sex. I just wish Ms. Kelly could see that.

  3. Great post Stacey. I don't really have anything to add but I think you make excellent points. The whole thing is beyond my ability to comprehend at the moment. Too much going on with work and person life to try to address one ignorant woman's POV. It's just sad to think that this is what the media bombards us with daily.

  4. An awesome post. I don't have anything to add either. And as someone who has met you in person, can I just say you are not big and you're totally hot - (in an non-lesbian way obviously - LOL!)

  5. Great post Stacy...I whole heartedly agree and dare I say kind got emotional while reading your post :)

  6. Extremely well said Stacy. I hope legions of women cancel their subscriptions to Marie Claire over that appalling article. You hit it right on the money in your excellent post.

    That was one of the most disgusting articles I've ever read in a women's magazine. It showed bigotry not only on the part of it's author but the editorial group at the magazine.

    Thanks for your wise words.

  7. Awesome post as usual :)

    I feel so sorry for these women that feel they have to look a certain way to feel beautiful. I thought Heidi was very pretty before all her horrible plastic surgery. And now all that surgery has made her less attractive, IMO.

    I wonder how Marie Claire is going to handle this backlash that is still going strong. Shame on them.

  8. Wonderful post, Stacey!

  9. Holy crap. I just read the article and I'm mortified. How dare she, or anyone, say such things on a public forum. Obviously, she is entitled to her opinion but if you can't say anything nice - don't say anything at all!

    Oh and I found your blog from Jill. Sorry to rant.

  10. Fantastic post Stacy - thank you.

    I read Maura Kelly's article...and her update. In the update she commented that the majority of the article was unproductive....and so I'm trying to work out why she wrote it in the first place! What value does it have? Maura Kelly had an opportunity...and instead of grabbing it with both hands she seems to have thrown it away. She's adding to the intolerance problem, not helping it.

  11. Thanks for the post Stacy. While I agree that the MC blogger's opinions were not a smart move to post and I don't agree with most of what she said... I'm also appalled by a lot of the responses/comments written about the article (not yours!) I'm talking about the "go die, bitch" type comments. Really? She was expressing her opinions. While I don't agree with them, she does have the right to express them. But where Marie Claire failed was "letting" her post these opinions via their name - their WOMEN's magazine. Shame on MC.

    Women, men, girls, boys should be able to embrace their inner selves and not feel like that have to conform to an unrealistic image. It makes me ill what media projects as beautiful.

    Thanks for you post!

  12. Fantastic post, Stacy. I completely agree that there is so much that goes in to making any one of us beautiful.

    Honestly, I find myself regarding myself unfairly. I'm a bit too overwieght, or my teeth are too crooked, or my butt isn't plump enough to be considered a real beauty...sigh.

    I guess it's part human nature and partly because of what society dictates.

    Unfortunately, I think it's terrible. I have two little girls. They're absolutely beautiful and I don't ever want them to think otherwise.

  13. Thanks for writing such an amazing post, Stacy.

    People come in all shapes and sizes and we all deserve to love and be loved. What annoys me the most about the obsession with appearance is that it almost exclusively focuses on women. Men have more leeway to not adhere to a physical "ideal". Such rubbish!

  14. Blodeuedd, having seen your picture, I think you look wonderful just the way you are, and it makes me angry that the media would cause you to doubt that. Skinny doesn't necessarily equal healthy or beautiful. I think curves are sexier anyway.

    Tori, I agree. Weight is so insignificant when it comes to judging someone's worth. It means nothing. I only want people to be healthy. That's definitely more important.

    Mollie, you bring up a good point. We see more in the news about celebrities and their habits and whatnot that it's ridiculous. There are many more important things going on in the world.

    Lynette, you are a doll. Thank you for making me laugh. You are one gorgeous babe yourself :)

    Nikki, I hope it was in a good way! LOL. I mentioned things about myself, but you know what, I'm kinda conceited. So even though all those things are true, I don't let it rule me. I'm not beautiful, never will be, but this is how God made me, so there are worse things. I'm very lucky in other ways.

    Lea, I'm glad to see that women aren't taking this silently. I love that people are standing up and speaking up, even going as far to cancel their subscriptions. I blame Marie Claire just as much as the writer because they are the ones that came up with the idea and then they went and published the article.

    Kate, I totally agree about Heidi. And look it where it got her? A loser husband and a B star career. She probably got a rude awakening when she realized it didn't all of a sudden make her life perfect.

    Thank you Estella :)

    cndymkr/Jean, not a problem, rant away (squee - I love Jill!) It is appalling. I admit there is a tiny part of me that feels bad for her. That's the difference, I think between me and her. I think I'm more concerned about hurting someone's feelings than I am to get noticed. It's a shame that that kind of attitude drives people.

    Orannia, here, here! She is adding to the problem. She's a sheep, and is blaming the problem on people being lazy and undisciplined when it's not that simple. Try a little humanity, lady.

    Jen, I know, that bothers me too. Responding to the article with such vitriol is not the thing to do. What makes hate any better? And I loved what you said: "Women, men, girls, boys should be able to embrace their inner selves and not feel like that have to conform to an unrealistic image. It makes me ill what media projects as beautiful." I agree!

    Barbara, that has to be especially hard on a mother to read something like that. And I know that your daughters are beautiful because they have a wonderful mother who is beautiful on the inside AND out.

    Sarah, that is so true. Men rarely have to be under such a mircroscope. I think they get a small taste of it, but nothing compared to what women go through. And what angers me even more is that it's another woman who made these comments. Talk about turning on your own.

    Thank you all for the comments. You ladies are all gorgeous, phenomenal women, and I'm proud to know you :)

  15. I am a little late to the game on this one but wonderful post Stacy. And some great comments from your friends. I think it's horrible that people are so judged on their looks and weight as we are so much more than that. I have found that everyone is usualy too hard on themselves where looks are concerned. What we "see" is seldom the same thing that the world sees and this is in a good way. personality and actions and how you treat others is all part of the overall package.

    If I were a subscriber to the magazine that "started" this discussion I would definatly unsubscribe and incourage others to do so as well.

    Everyone is beautiful in their own way....

  16. I'm chiming in late as well, but I just wanted to agree with what you said about the romance community. There are so few safe spaces for women, but I think you're right in pointing out that the romance community is one of them. The best romances--the ones on my keeper shelf--are the ones in which the authors know the truth: mental attraction matters a lot more than looks.

    Thanks for being one of the "safe spaces!"

  17. Here, here! Perfectly articulated, Stacy. That goes to everyone else who commented here as well.

  18. Fantastic post Stacy! As a fatty, you can't help but feel ostracised when you read crap like that. As a single fatty, it makes me feel like I don't deserve to find someone and be happy regardless of what I look like! As it happens, that doesn't seem likely to happen, but most days I accept that it isn't because that is what I deserve, but rather just the way it is.

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