The transition is complete! The Queen Bella has moved to Lifetimetv.com - go check out her new home!
Labels: LifetimeTV.com, Michelle Buonfiglio, Romance by the Blog
posted by Stacy~ at 8/08/2007 08:06:00 PM
| 4 comments
Wednesday, August 08, 2007:
Tuesday, May 01, 2007:
Okay, anyone who has ever visited this blog on a regular basis (all two of you *g*) know that I dig Michelle Buonfiglio's "Romance by the Blog". Well, Queen Bella is about to make an amazing move to LifetimeTV.com , and this Bella could not be more proud. Michelle unabashedly loves romances and the authors of the industry that create them, and I think it's appropriate that this partnership came about. Here's more from Michelle herself.
If you've never checked out Michelle's blog and you'd like to see what she's all about, here are some recent posts:
...and much, much more. Oh, and if you'd like to get more of a glimpse into Michelle and what makes her tick, check out my interview with her: Part I & Part II.
Congrats, Queen Bella!
Labels: LifetimeTV.com, Michelle Buonfiglio, Romance by the Blog
posted by Stacy~ at 5/01/2007 01:37:00 AM
| 0 comments
Sunday, December 03, 2006:
The heart of Romance: B(u)y the Book is about making connections with the smart women who read and write romance, about earning and keeping their respect and loyalty by writing about romance in a literary way that defines it, rather than defends it. I try to speak in a, hopefully, entertaining voice, and also in one that piques the interest of folks who may be merely curious about the genre.
Out of the hundreds of novels I receive monthly, I choose four per month which I think are the best so I only have to write good things. Chicken? Don’t much care whether anyone thinks so cause it’s my column. But I do like the idea of encouraging a standard for discourse about romance on the Inet.
And, it’s really important to understand that I’m trying to provide a specific service to the romance reader searching the Inet in her limited free time. That woman wants to know what to buy, and doesn’t care whether I can write snarky and precious.
One thing I try to make clear: I give my opinion about the best books across all sub-genres of romance fiction, novels which I think a variety of readers might enjoy if they choose to buy them
Your interest in romance started when you took a course in college that analyzed 17th - 20th Century English novels. Which specific book was the turning point and started you on the road to your current career, and how long have you been reading romance?
I loved that English novel survey, and can remember it as the one in which I began to learn how to analyze novels in the same way I’d done music when I started music school just out of high school. Suddenly, all these comparisons could be made between authors and periods, art forms and mediums. And then there was this idea of extricating from the characters across periods and movements similarities in human nature and struggle.
And I also remember the heroine in "The French Lieutenant’s Woman" being horribly disappointed when she finally took her lover. I remember commenting in class, "all that angst, and then he wasn’t even good?" (He would have benefited from RBtheB, me thinks.)
See, that was great literarily; Hardy so would have been on Oprah. But in romance, we know that either the hero’s gonna straighten up and fly right, as it were, or she’s gonna hook up with a hero who’s gonna give her a HEA with that "emotional justice." And if she’s really lucky, he’s gonna be a big man in all ways.
But you asked about the turning point novel, which was VLT’s "The Nerd Who Loved Me." I bought it a out three years ago on vacation in FL, put it on the counter face-down cause I was embarrassed to be reading romance. After that, I couldn’t get enough, and decided I wanted to write a romance, so I started analyzing the genre, tearing apart the books, looking for similarities, etc.
I think my attempts at writing that romance were not too good, no matter what my writing group might say. I think I’ve found my calling in what I do, or at least, my bliss. It’s really cool that I learn so much about romance every day from my readers and e-friends.
What are some of the major changes you've noticed during that time?
The rise of the importance of the Inet and the blog to romance have to be the most important changes, writers and the industry understanding how readers get their info about romance now. And that’s not just because I write for the medium, although I feel pretty honored to be part of the wave.
Also, readers seem to be more empowered, less fearful of the "outside" world’s shaming them about their reading choice. I think the sense of community the Inet creates for romance readers helps with this.
For me, it’s been learning not to feel shame in reading the books. Getting paid to read them went a long way toward that. But in truth, I can only feel bad about it if I choose to react that way. You know, none of us escapes condescension, I get it professionally, we get it for reading romance.
I don’t know, I know lots of writers get miffed when men keep asking them how they do their research. I feel kinda seductive when I know some guy thinks my husband and I have great sex because I read romance. I encourage all readers and writers, hell, editors and booksellers, too, to embrace that attitude if they haven’t already. I know an awful lot of women whose partners are damn happy their chicks read romance.
Why are you so passionate about romance? What elements do you connect to the most?
I like the way my body feels when I read it. That’s about the size of it. My brain gets punched by some terrific, learned writing or turn of phrase; a passage of dialogue makes me wish I’d known a guy who spoke like that; I get that marvelous heart-pinch when someone hurts someone else before I’ve figured out how the writer’s gonna bring them back together.
I need the Happy Ending, cause after 9/11 and with concern about our troops and general feeling of turmoil world-wide, I want escape. It’s like a really good epidural, that feeling of picking up a great new romance and realizing a chapter in that it’s gonna be one I don’t want to end. Well, if you’ve ever had iv anesthesia and liked it, you know what I mean. TMI? (Um, maybe just a tad...though I will try to keep this in the RBtheB vein and say there's no such thing...right?)
But I like the sex the best. Hot, erotic, innocent, I just love the way I feel when I read well-written examples in which humane emotion drives the sensuality. It’s freed me in many ways, helped me reclaim sexuality after being brought up stringently Catholic, as well as having been sexually abused.
Why am I passionate about it? Romance fiction is powerful, and changes lives in large and small ways. I hear it every day. But people, men and women who fear powerful emotion, especially riding on a wave of sexual imagery and language, find it easier to shame romance readers than to open themselves to the actualization one experiences when delving seriously into romance.
So I like speaking to those folks about romance in a way that may bring them some understanding. Mostly, I’ve got this "defend the misunderstood" thing.
But it’s more than that. Romance a vibrant genre written by intelligent, accomplished authors who deserve respect. I dig using my forum to talk about romance, our authors, and readers out loud and unapologetically.
Name some of the books/authors that have changed your life, and what it was about them or their books that had an impact.
Well, Elizabeth George Speare’s "The Witch of Blackbird Pond" has been a fave since third grade. I was obsessed with New England and the Witch trials, so I thought it was about those. I ended up falling in love with the idea of a misunderstood young woman helping a child and being strong in a society that didn’t encourage women to be strong emotionally. Did I realize it was so romantic? Not that I’d have admitted. But I’ll say now that I had many an adolescent fantasy about Nate, the captain’s son.
Nabokov’s "Lolita" and "Ada," Kosinski’s "Painted Bird," because they were so explicitly disjoint and horribly brilliant in their depiction of shades of evil and, especially, what children do to survive at the hands and whims of adults. Again, books that I didn’t realize spoke to me for markedly personal reasons til years later, when I’d discovered more about myself.
I have to include reading "The Nerd Who Loved Me," cause it was the first I read after years of Lit and Oprah books that was fun and funny and had a happy ending. It set me on this course that brought me to you and Nathan Kamp, Stacy. (More on Nathan at a later time).
At your blog, you discuss a wide array of topics, from women and empowerment to sexual fantasy, to hotties. Some are serious, some are just plain fun. What type of message, if any, do you want readers and writers to get from what you do?
I created the blog so I could talk with readers about romance the way I do with my girlfriends, raw, brainy, emotionally, intimately. I couldn’t do that from the message board attached to the national sites because everything there goes through monitors. Plus, everything on the Internet Broadcasting system has to play in Peoria. Without the national sites, I wouldn’t get to talk about all kinds of romance and erotica the way I want.
Now on the blog, I struggle with how far to go. I’ve just been discussing whether I really should use ** and $$, etc., when writing off=color language. I want to push to the limit, yet I understand pretty well who my viewers are and I aim not to offend. I think that’s why we can talk about digital penetration and Inspy romance in almost the same breath.
Message? It’s more that I hope they respect what I’m trying to do for them and romance, hooking up readers and writers, establishing a safe community for romance readers and women to open their hearts and minds w/out anyone getting mean.
I surely don’t expect anyone to be thankful. I feel really, really lucky to be doing this, and to be learning what I do daily from everyone. And I am extraordinarily grateful every single time a reader returns, a Bella comments, or a new blogger climbs on board.
Michelle, you are an intelligent, beautiful woman, a top Ten Miss American finalist and summa cum laude graduate from St. Francis University, PA. In addition you have a wicked and smart sense of humor and you are a wife, a mother, and a loyal friend, and the Queen Bella. (So not sucking up right now but will not turn down any free books *ahem*). What are your feelings when you hear people describe romance novels as trashy stories suitable only for lonely, uneducated women and how do you think this perception can be changed?
Funny, I don’t hear it too much any more, although I certainly know it’s out there. If I do experience it, I gauge how much I care whether the person/s learn a lesson, or how much fun it will be making them feel bad about lumping me and my peeps in that pejorative way.
But here’s the thing: so what if romance were read only by lonely, uneducated women? Don’t they get to enjoy reading, too? Any reading done by anybody is great, but, unfortunately a snob is a snob is a snob, and that’ll never change.
So I don’t think we should waste time trying to change minds of folks who’ve decided against the genre already, rather, we should entice those women who, as Eloisa James has said, "wish they were reading romance, but feel too ashamed to do so."
What is a typical work day for you? Are you able to be based mainly at your home?
I work from home and send my columns electronically, which was difficult at first, cause I wasn’t used to communicating about soft stuff like editing by email. It seemed really impersonal, and I think causes lots of errors in communication, which is something we discuss often at RBtheBlog, right? (We sure do.)
There’s a tremendous amount of administrative work involved in what I do, much more than I originally expected. But I find I really love that part, hooking up with publicists and authors, setting schedules, coming up with themes, working with authors whose books I’ll feature, or not, as it happens.
Even then, it’s about establishing relationships. I especially love hearing from reader/viewers.
So I get up, get the kids off to school, sit down and try to check in at the blog, work on some email. I read at night, and definitely not as much as I need to and used to. I catch up on some weekends. I generally work on the column and features the day before and early the morning of, because, well, I’ve got kids and a family, and a no account cat, etc.
You live in Minnesota (I grew up on the Iron Range, way up north). Seems like there's quite a writing community up there - Connie Brockway and Neil Gaiman to name a few. Do you get the opportunity to hang out with authors and chat about the business?
Yeah. My local RWA chapter is packed with published romance novelists, and, as a group, those published authors have been very supportive and helpful. Kathleen Eagle has been tremendously supportive and very helpful in helping me understand the industry. Connie Brockway and her Squawkers have been great. Then there are the authors who show up at RBtheBlog, Michele Hauf, Emma Holly, Lois Grieman, as well as Nita Abrams, Susan Kay Law, sheesh, so many, I was bowled over when I first moved here. It’s a very rich creative community.
Who do you think is under-appreciated in the (romance) industry?
Publicists. They work like animals to get the word out about romance novels in a world that doesn’t care all that much. They tend to shift publishing houses a lot, which can be frustrating, but is more disappointing when one finds a kind of friend. My favorite right now is a guy named Buzzy who works for HarperCollins/Avon. He’s very funny, and always good for a snappy line.
In the vein of Barbara Walters, Diane Sawyer and Oprah, what would be the ultimate interviewing experience for you, the one that would be the true icing on the cake?
Just because I love her historicals and I don’t think she’s writing anymore, I’d say Marsha Canham would be very cool. If we’re talking interview that would "rock the industry," or maybe get the outside to stand up and take notice, I have to think on that.
Romance writers are notoriously accessible, which is one of the things that made me create Romance: B(u)y the Book. I knew readers loved to hear from authors, and I wanted to give them a way to do that. And I’ve been lucky that I’ve not yet been turned down for an interview which says more about writers’ willingness to connect with reader/fans than my capabilities I think.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how fun it’d be to do for Sirius Radio what we do on Romance: By the Blog, you know, women talking romance novels and everything that grows out of that. Interviews, call-ins, sexuality and other experts, industry folks, stars who read romance, etc.
While it's not a new concept, over the last several years, romances have becoming much more sexually explicit, ranging from erotic romance (with the HEA) to erotica where a happy ending is not a guarantee. Do you believe this is a positive or negative change, why or why not?
Positive, absolutely. First, if women didn’t want to feel turned on by sexual imagery in romances, they wouldn’t buy the novels. And the market bears out what’s being purchased, right? So, women figure out they can and should take responsibility for their sexual satisfaction , and have the money to buy novels that turn them on and fuel their fantasies, and, well, the industry is gonna listen.
As women become more sophisticated in describing what they want, their comfort level with more explicit sexual language and situations often changes.
I don’t use the term "erotic," because I don’t think describing sex within a romance makes it erotic. It’s the imagery created and the language that gives voice to the sensuality that conveys eroticism, and certainly not whether the publisher prints the term "erotic romance," or the author calls herself an author of "erotic romance."
I look at erotica as an entirely different genre, but drawing a line between it and erotic romance – and at times, erotica and pornography – is terribly difficult. Good erotica is exceptionally exciting, and fascinating to read even clinically. Yet, it’s often given more credence than romance because facile endings aren’t requisite, and driving emotions aren’t always based in love of another.
Anything that gets people thinking about romance is great for the genre as a whole. My big frustration comes from confusion caused by all the new "erotica" and "erotic romance" imprints. E.g., Readers shell out good money for erotica and end up with a kitten in lion’s fur.
Yet we need to give the publishers a little time to get with it; I think they’ll figure it out before long.
Women and their fantasies - it's a topic you've brought up several times at your blog. Don't you think it's about time?
Youbetcha, Stace! You know, I read this study that said 50% of women aged 40+ fantasize during sex. 50%! I was, like, sheesh, what have I been missing out on?
The point was that, not only does a women have a responsibility to herself to see she finds fulfillment during sex (guys make sure of it, right?) she can get to that fulfillment by any means necessary. I would add, it’d be nice not to hurt your guy’s feelings by yelling out, "Si, Canna! Yes! Yes!" (Also, more on Canna at a later time.)
Oh, can I mention that Dec 4-8, I’m hosting at Romance: By the Blog "Hot Topic Week: Eros, Erotic Romance, and Erotica?" In addition to GuestBlogs by Kate Duffy (Brava), Jaid Black (Ellora’s Cave), and Adam Nevill (Virgin), Ian Kerner, PhD. will GuestBlog about women’s fantasy and emotional/sexual health.
Now, I’m no expert like my hero, Ian (you really must read his "She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman"), but I’d say he could tell us a lot about the connection between fantasy and women’s sexual well-being.
Can you share some examples on how romances have positively influenced a woman's view on sexuality and her own personal fantasies?
Of course, we’ve all heard the "men whose wives read romance have more and better sex" saw. Apparently there’s a study, but I haven’t found it, so I can only refer to it as anecdotal. Apologies.
I can refer to my reader/viewers who tell stories about how romance has enhanced their sex lives, made them more excited about the "same-old same-old;" made them appreciate more the sex they do have in their relationships.
But I think reading romance is a jumping-off point for women to explore their fantasies, whether it’s just using the heroine in a novel as placeholder, or daring to explore a romance sexier than the one she last read. From there, the offerings are myriad, from varying styles of erotic romance, to erotica and so on.
The one piece of info I love to share, which was seminal for me in terms of fantasy, is the "I’m OK, You’re OK Maxim of Women’s Fantasy": Just because a woman fantasizes about it, doesn’t mean she wants it to happen to her. And what she fantasizes about t’ain’t nobody’s business but her own.
Of course, this takes a little getting used to for a lot of women, the idea that their rape fantasy, or same-sex fantasy, or, I don’t know, 5-Regency-gentlemen-and-a-romance-columnist-in-a-carriage fantasy is okey-dokey. (But Michelle, is there really enough room in one of those carriages???)
To become accustomed to the idea of embracing your sexual fantasies, I recommend plenty of practice.
Do you believe men can write effective and beautiful romances that would appeal to a female audience?
Beautiful? I don’t know, cause I haven’t read an elegant type of romance by a guy. I know everyone kvetches about Nick Sparks, who said, "I don’t write romance novels any more than Tom Clancy writes a thriller, but what I do would not be accepted by romance publishers, since the romance genre has numerous requirements and I don’t satisfy any of them. I write love stories, a completely different genre."
I looked that up that quote especially for you, Stacy, cause I think it’s so God damned entertaining. (Appreciate it, Michelle.) I’ve not read his stuff cause I found the movie, "Message in a Bottle," maudlin – and I don’t read books after the movies anyway. Hmmm, I also don’t usually see the movies after the books, but I make a big, fat exception for Colin Firth in a wet linen shirt. (Um, who wouldn't????) 
Anyway, there’s a difference between what makes 15 year-old girls cry and what is romantic to me.
But Bob Mayer comes to mind in light of your questions, as well as some of the m/f teams doing well in the genre. Mayer really added "guyness" to his and Jennifer Crusie’s first which, to me, made the thing pretty sexy.
I can’t reject men as romance writers out of hand. It reminds me of a theory I have about pro baseball and basketball teams. I think there are women who have to be more talented athletes than the least-talented male players, but who won’t get the chance to prove themselves because of gender bias and rules that ain’t gonna change soon. It’s got to be the same with men as romance writers, because men can be pretty damn romantic.
And I refuse to be sexist, cause I appreciate when men aren’t that way with us. (Amen, sister!)
Which authors do you think have had the greatest impact on the romance industry? Why do you think that is?
Ack. I always feel so not qualified to answer this. Also, I tend to think more in terms of what type of brand or marketing gets readers into bookstores buying books, rather than what gets writers to start writing more disabled characters or vampires or kick-ass heroines.
So I think of Vicki Lewis Thompson’s and Carly Phillips’ appearances on "Reading with Ripa" as something that got more women interested in reading romance, or back to reading romance. And one can’t say enough about what Nora Roberts’ preternatural success does for all of romance fiction, because her novels are considered by the "outside world" to have a gravitas generally not afforded other romance.
As a student of the genre, I’d have to talk about Kathleen E. Woodiwiss tapping into something fantastic that spoke to women, because I constantly hear from women that "Flame/Flower" or "Wolf/Dove" are all-time faves. And, love or hate it, "Whitney, My Love" also moved a legion of readers.
Today, Susan Elizabeth Phillips seems to be the author I hear most mentioned by reader and writer alike as having impacted their enjoyment and/or work.
You have the Bellas at Romance By The Blog - how did this community come about and what has it meant to you on a day-to-day basis?
Oh, I love me my Bellas!
I was invited to guest blog on SquawkRadio.com (the group blog of Lisa Kleypas, Eloisa James, Teresa Medeiros, Elizabeth Bevarly, Connie Brockway, and Christina Dodd), and I thought I should have a place for their readers to visit me if they were interested in what I’d had to say.
Plus, as I wrote earlier, I’d wanted to offer romance readers a little safe-haven where they could dish about romance the way I do with my girlfriends, you know, get kinda naughty and all. The Squawk Radio opportunity made me get on the ball and put together the blog I’d "been meaning to get to."
My husband, who’s kind of an Inet guy said, "If you blog it, they will come." And amazingly, that’s what happened, although I do work hard at "viral" marketing, and making new connections with other reviewers and blog owners, cause I want romance lovers to know what’s out there. And I don’t think of other romance blogs as competition. We’re all providing a service, right?
Although I absolutely never go to someone else’s blog and leave a self-serving comment trying to get their viewers to click back to mine. I figure if I comment and someone is curious, they’ll click on my profile and check out my blog. It’s just good blogging etiquette (Ahem. I am writing this down - I suck at etiquette.) But I always love guest blogging somewhere else.
I’m pretty astounded by how much the Bellas have come to mean to me, and I’m almost embarrassed sometimes by the desire I have to go to them to have my spirits lifted. It’s a little unnerving, these intimate discussions the core group of us have in front of the lurkers. But that’s the beauty of the anonymous nature of the Inet. I’m glad we use our power for good, not mean-spiritedness. (Sniff.) 
I also think I’ve started to take for granted the fact that we can just talk romance "like it matters." But I think that’s a good thing. Why preach to the choir when there are so many good romances and silly topics to discuss?
Oh, and I like when a Bella pops in with, "So, what’s everybody reading?" I’m so immersed in romance all day that I get excited to talk other stuff and forget that folks come to RBtheBlog to talk romance. But I think we go with the flow; I let the Bellas lead me.
It all started with Clive Owen, I believe, way back in February 2006. I was surfing the 'net, and came across this really cool blog that not only shared my appreciation for my hottie du jour at the time, but also my life-long love of romance novels. It was a pretty-in-pink site hosted by this blonde chick who kept trying to teach me Italian, and I've been hooked ever since. It's a place to talk about books, movies, friends and hotties: what's not to love?????
SA: Michelle, thank you for allowing yourself to be interrogated by moi, one of your biggest fans. (Bet you had no idea what you were in for, did you?) I truly, truly appreciate the time you took to answer my numerous questions. You are quite a gracious lady.
Please, take a moment to explain what it is you do in your position as romance columnist for www.wnbc.com. (Michelle: My column is syndicated on the 70+ TV websites supported by Internet Broadcasting, Inc., including www.WNBC.com/romance )
I like to say I get paid to read romance novels, which is pretty much the case. In actuality, I write Romance: B(u)y the Book, feature opinion columns about great romances, weekly AuthorView interviews, in-depth ExtraView interviews, and a bunch of small features. I also maintain www.RomanceByTheBlog.blogspot.com
I like to say I get paid to read romance novels, which is pretty much the case. In actuality, I write Romance: B(u)y the Book, feature opinion columns about great romances, weekly AuthorView interviews, in-depth ExtraView interviews, and a bunch of small features. I also maintain www.RomanceByTheBlog.blogspot.com
The heart of Romance: B(u)y the Book is about making connections with the smart women who read and write romance, about earning and keeping their respect and loyalty by writing about romance in a literary way that defines it, rather than defends it. I try to speak in a, hopefully, entertaining voice, and also in one that piques the interest of folks who may be merely curious about the genre.
Out of the hundreds of novels I receive monthly, I choose four per month which I think are the best so I only have to write good things. Chicken? Don’t much care whether anyone thinks so cause it’s my column. But I do like the idea of encouraging a standard for discourse about romance on the Inet.
And, it’s really important to understand that I’m trying to provide a specific service to the romance reader searching the Inet in her limited free time. That woman wants to know what to buy, and doesn’t care whether I can write snarky and precious.
One thing I try to make clear: I give my opinion about the best books across all sub-genres of romance fiction, novels which I think a variety of readers might enjoy if they choose to buy them
Your interest in romance started when you took a course in college that analyzed 17th - 20th Century English novels. Which specific book was the turning point and started you on the road to your current career, and how long have you been reading romance?
I loved that English novel survey, and can remember it as the one in which I began to learn how to analyze novels in the same way I’d done music when I started music school just out of high school. Suddenly, all these comparisons could be made between authors and periods, art forms and mediums. And then there was this idea of extricating from the characters across periods and movements similarities in human nature and struggle.
And I also remember the heroine in "The French Lieutenant’s Woman" being horribly disappointed when she finally took her lover. I remember commenting in class, "all that angst, and then he wasn’t even good?" (He would have benefited from RBtheB, me thinks.)
See, that was great literarily; Hardy so would have been on Oprah. But in romance, we know that either the hero’s gonna straighten up and fly right, as it were, or she’s gonna hook up with a hero who’s gonna give her a HEA with that "emotional justice." And if she’s really lucky, he’s gonna be a big man in all ways.
But you asked about the turning point novel, which was VLT’s "The Nerd Who Loved Me." I bought it a out three years ago on vacation in FL, put it on the counter face-down cause I was embarrassed to be reading romance. After that, I couldn’t get enough, and decided I wanted to write a romance, so I started analyzing the genre, tearing apart the books, looking for similarities, etc.
I think my attempts at writing that romance were not too good, no matter what my writing group might say. I think I’ve found my calling in what I do, or at least, my bliss. It’s really cool that I learn so much about romance every day from my readers and e-friends.
What are some of the major changes you've noticed during that time?
The rise of the importance of the Inet and the blog to romance have to be the most important changes, writers and the industry understanding how readers get their info about romance now. And that’s not just because I write for the medium, although I feel pretty honored to be part of the wave.
Also, readers seem to be more empowered, less fearful of the "outside" world’s shaming them about their reading choice. I think the sense of community the Inet creates for romance readers helps with this.
For me, it’s been learning not to feel shame in reading the books. Getting paid to read them went a long way toward that. But in truth, I can only feel bad about it if I choose to react that way. You know, none of us escapes condescension, I get it professionally, we get it for reading romance.
I don’t know, I know lots of writers get miffed when men keep asking them how they do their research. I feel kinda seductive when I know some guy thinks my husband and I have great sex because I read romance. I encourage all readers and writers, hell, editors and booksellers, too, to embrace that attitude if they haven’t already. I know an awful lot of women whose partners are damn happy their chicks read romance.
Why are you so passionate about romance? What elements do you connect to the most?
I like the way my body feels when I read it. That’s about the size of it. My brain gets punched by some terrific, learned writing or turn of phrase; a passage of dialogue makes me wish I’d known a guy who spoke like that; I get that marvelous heart-pinch when someone hurts someone else before I’ve figured out how the writer’s gonna bring them back together.
I need the Happy Ending, cause after 9/11 and with concern about our troops and general feeling of turmoil world-wide, I want escape. It’s like a really good epidural, that feeling of picking up a great new romance and realizing a chapter in that it’s gonna be one I don’t want to end. Well, if you’ve ever had iv anesthesia and liked it, you know what I mean. TMI? (Um, maybe just a tad...though I will try to keep this in the RBtheB vein and say there's no such thing...right?)
But I like the sex the best. Hot, erotic, innocent, I just love the way I feel when I read well-written examples in which humane emotion drives the sensuality. It’s freed me in many ways, helped me reclaim sexuality after being brought up stringently Catholic, as well as having been sexually abused.
Why am I passionate about it? Romance fiction is powerful, and changes lives in large and small ways. I hear it every day. But people, men and women who fear powerful emotion, especially riding on a wave of sexual imagery and language, find it easier to shame romance readers than to open themselves to the actualization one experiences when delving seriously into romance.
So I like speaking to those folks about romance in a way that may bring them some understanding. Mostly, I’ve got this "defend the misunderstood" thing.
But it’s more than that. Romance a vibrant genre written by intelligent, accomplished authors who deserve respect. I dig using my forum to talk about romance, our authors, and readers out loud and unapologetically.
Name some of the books/authors that have changed your life, and what it was about them or their books that had an impact.
Well, Elizabeth George Speare’s "The Witch of Blackbird Pond" has been a fave since third grade. I was obsessed with New England and the Witch trials, so I thought it was about those. I ended up falling in love with the idea of a misunderstood young woman helping a child and being strong in a society that didn’t encourage women to be strong emotionally. Did I realize it was so romantic? Not that I’d have admitted. But I’ll say now that I had many an adolescent fantasy about Nate, the captain’s son.
Nabokov’s "Lolita" and "Ada," Kosinski’s "Painted Bird," because they were so explicitly disjoint and horribly brilliant in their depiction of shades of evil and, especially, what children do to survive at the hands and whims of adults. Again, books that I didn’t realize spoke to me for markedly personal reasons til years later, when I’d discovered more about myself.
I have to include reading "The Nerd Who Loved Me," cause it was the first I read after years of Lit and Oprah books that was fun and funny and had a happy ending. It set me on this course that brought me to you and Nathan Kamp, Stacy. (More on Nathan at a later time).
At your blog, you discuss a wide array of topics, from women and empowerment to sexual fantasy, to hotties. Some are serious, some are just plain fun. What type of message, if any, do you want readers and writers to get from what you do?
I created the blog so I could talk with readers about romance the way I do with my girlfriends, raw, brainy, emotionally, intimately. I couldn’t do that from the message board attached to the national sites because everything there goes through monitors. Plus, everything on the Internet Broadcasting system has to play in Peoria. Without the national sites, I wouldn’t get to talk about all kinds of romance and erotica the way I want.
Now on the blog, I struggle with how far to go. I’ve just been discussing whether I really should use ** and $$, etc., when writing off=color language. I want to push to the limit, yet I understand pretty well who my viewers are and I aim not to offend. I think that’s why we can talk about digital penetration and Inspy romance in almost the same breath.
Message? It’s more that I hope they respect what I’m trying to do for them and romance, hooking up readers and writers, establishing a safe community for romance readers and women to open their hearts and minds w/out anyone getting mean.
I surely don’t expect anyone to be thankful. I feel really, really lucky to be doing this, and to be learning what I do daily from everyone. And I am extraordinarily grateful every single time a reader returns, a Bella comments, or a new blogger climbs on board.
Michelle, you are an intelligent, beautiful woman, a top Ten Miss American finalist and summa cum laude graduate from St. Francis University, PA. In addition you have a wicked and smart sense of humor and you are a wife, a mother, and a loyal friend, and the Queen Bella. (So not sucking up right now but will not turn down any free books *ahem*). What are your feelings when you hear people describe romance novels as trashy stories suitable only for lonely, uneducated women and how do you think this perception can be changed?
Funny, I don’t hear it too much any more, although I certainly know it’s out there. If I do experience it, I gauge how much I care whether the person/s learn a lesson, or how much fun it will be making them feel bad about lumping me and my peeps in that pejorative way.
But here’s the thing: so what if romance were read only by lonely, uneducated women? Don’t they get to enjoy reading, too? Any reading done by anybody is great, but, unfortunately a snob is a snob is a snob, and that’ll never change.
So I don’t think we should waste time trying to change minds of folks who’ve decided against the genre already, rather, we should entice those women who, as Eloisa James has said, "wish they were reading romance, but feel too ashamed to do so."
What is a typical work day for you? Are you able to be based mainly at your home?
I work from home and send my columns electronically, which was difficult at first, cause I wasn’t used to communicating about soft stuff like editing by email. It seemed really impersonal, and I think causes lots of errors in communication, which is something we discuss often at RBtheBlog, right? (We sure do.)
There’s a tremendous amount of administrative work involved in what I do, much more than I originally expected. But I find I really love that part, hooking up with publicists and authors, setting schedules, coming up with themes, working with authors whose books I’ll feature, or not, as it happens.
Even then, it’s about establishing relationships. I especially love hearing from reader/viewers.
So I get up, get the kids off to school, sit down and try to check in at the blog, work on some email. I read at night, and definitely not as much as I need to and used to. I catch up on some weekends. I generally work on the column and features the day before and early the morning of, because, well, I’ve got kids and a family, and a no account cat, etc.
You live in Minnesota (I grew up on the Iron Range, way up north). Seems like there's quite a writing community up there - Connie Brockway and Neil Gaiman to name a few. Do you get the opportunity to hang out with authors and chat about the business?
Yeah. My local RWA chapter is packed with published romance novelists, and, as a group, those published authors have been very supportive and helpful. Kathleen Eagle has been tremendously supportive and very helpful in helping me understand the industry. Connie Brockway and her Squawkers have been great. Then there are the authors who show up at RBtheBlog, Michele Hauf, Emma Holly, Lois Grieman, as well as Nita Abrams, Susan Kay Law, sheesh, so many, I was bowled over when I first moved here. It’s a very rich creative community.
author Kathleen Eagle & Michelle
Who do you think is under-appreciated in the (romance) industry?
Publicists. They work like animals to get the word out about romance novels in a world that doesn’t care all that much. They tend to shift publishing houses a lot, which can be frustrating, but is more disappointing when one finds a kind of friend. My favorite right now is a guy named Buzzy who works for HarperCollins/Avon. He’s very funny, and always good for a snappy line.
In the vein of Barbara Walters, Diane Sawyer and Oprah, what would be the ultimate interviewing experience for you, the one that would be the true icing on the cake?
Just because I love her historicals and I don’t think she’s writing anymore, I’d say Marsha Canham would be very cool. If we’re talking interview that would "rock the industry," or maybe get the outside to stand up and take notice, I have to think on that.
Romance writers are notoriously accessible, which is one of the things that made me create Romance: B(u)y the Book. I knew readers loved to hear from authors, and I wanted to give them a way to do that. And I’ve been lucky that I’ve not yet been turned down for an interview which says more about writers’ willingness to connect with reader/fans than my capabilities I think.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how fun it’d be to do for Sirius Radio what we do on Romance: By the Blog, you know, women talking romance novels and everything that grows out of that. Interviews, call-ins, sexuality and other experts, industry folks, stars who read romance, etc.
While it's not a new concept, over the last several years, romances have becoming much more sexually explicit, ranging from erotic romance (with the HEA) to erotica where a happy ending is not a guarantee. Do you believe this is a positive or negative change, why or why not?
Positive, absolutely. First, if women didn’t want to feel turned on by sexual imagery in romances, they wouldn’t buy the novels. And the market bears out what’s being purchased, right? So, women figure out they can and should take responsibility for their sexual satisfaction , and have the money to buy novels that turn them on and fuel their fantasies, and, well, the industry is gonna listen.
As women become more sophisticated in describing what they want, their comfort level with more explicit sexual language and situations often changes.
I don’t use the term "erotic," because I don’t think describing sex within a romance makes it erotic. It’s the imagery created and the language that gives voice to the sensuality that conveys eroticism, and certainly not whether the publisher prints the term "erotic romance," or the author calls herself an author of "erotic romance."
I look at erotica as an entirely different genre, but drawing a line between it and erotic romance – and at times, erotica and pornography – is terribly difficult. Good erotica is exceptionally exciting, and fascinating to read even clinically. Yet, it’s often given more credence than romance because facile endings aren’t requisite, and driving emotions aren’t always based in love of another.
Anything that gets people thinking about romance is great for the genre as a whole. My big frustration comes from confusion caused by all the new "erotica" and "erotic romance" imprints. E.g., Readers shell out good money for erotica and end up with a kitten in lion’s fur.
Yet we need to give the publishers a little time to get with it; I think they’ll figure it out before long.
Women and their fantasies - it's a topic you've brought up several times at your blog. Don't you think it's about time?
Youbetcha, Stace! You know, I read this study that said 50% of women aged 40+ fantasize during sex. 50%! I was, like, sheesh, what have I been missing out on?
The point was that, not only does a women have a responsibility to herself to see she finds fulfillment during sex (guys make sure of it, right?) she can get to that fulfillment by any means necessary. I would add, it’d be nice not to hurt your guy’s feelings by yelling out, "Si, Canna! Yes! Yes!" (Also, more on Canna at a later time.)
Oh, can I mention that Dec 4-8, I’m hosting at Romance: By the Blog "Hot Topic Week: Eros, Erotic Romance, and Erotica?" In addition to GuestBlogs by Kate Duffy (Brava), Jaid Black (Ellora’s Cave), and Adam Nevill (Virgin), Ian Kerner, PhD. will GuestBlog about women’s fantasy and emotional/sexual health.
Now, I’m no expert like my hero, Ian (you really must read his "She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman"), but I’d say he could tell us a lot about the connection between fantasy and women’s sexual well-being.
Can you share some examples on how romances have positively influenced a woman's view on sexuality and her own personal fantasies?
Of course, we’ve all heard the "men whose wives read romance have more and better sex" saw. Apparently there’s a study, but I haven’t found it, so I can only refer to it as anecdotal. Apologies.
I can refer to my reader/viewers who tell stories about how romance has enhanced their sex lives, made them more excited about the "same-old same-old;" made them appreciate more the sex they do have in their relationships.
But I think reading romance is a jumping-off point for women to explore their fantasies, whether it’s just using the heroine in a novel as placeholder, or daring to explore a romance sexier than the one she last read. From there, the offerings are myriad, from varying styles of erotic romance, to erotica and so on.
The one piece of info I love to share, which was seminal for me in terms of fantasy, is the "I’m OK, You’re OK Maxim of Women’s Fantasy": Just because a woman fantasizes about it, doesn’t mean she wants it to happen to her. And what she fantasizes about t’ain’t nobody’s business but her own.
Of course, this takes a little getting used to for a lot of women, the idea that their rape fantasy, or same-sex fantasy, or, I don’t know, 5-Regency-gentlemen-and-a-romance-columnist-in-a-carriage fantasy is okey-dokey. (But Michelle, is there really enough room in one of those carriages???)
To become accustomed to the idea of embracing your sexual fantasies, I recommend plenty of practice.
Do you believe men can write effective and beautiful romances that would appeal to a female audience?
Beautiful? I don’t know, cause I haven’t read an elegant type of romance by a guy. I know everyone kvetches about Nick Sparks, who said, "I don’t write romance novels any more than Tom Clancy writes a thriller, but what I do would not be accepted by romance publishers, since the romance genre has numerous requirements and I don’t satisfy any of them. I write love stories, a completely different genre."
I looked that up that quote especially for you, Stacy, cause I think it’s so God damned entertaining. (Appreciate it, Michelle.) I’ve not read his stuff cause I found the movie, "Message in a Bottle," maudlin – and I don’t read books after the movies anyway. Hmmm, I also don’t usually see the movies after the books, but I make a big, fat exception for Colin Firth in a wet linen shirt. (Um, who wouldn't????)
Anyway, there’s a difference between what makes 15 year-old girls cry and what is romantic to me.
But Bob Mayer comes to mind in light of your questions, as well as some of the m/f teams doing well in the genre. Mayer really added "guyness" to his and Jennifer Crusie’s first which, to me, made the thing pretty sexy.
I can’t reject men as romance writers out of hand. It reminds me of a theory I have about pro baseball and basketball teams. I think there are women who have to be more talented athletes than the least-talented male players, but who won’t get the chance to prove themselves because of gender bias and rules that ain’t gonna change soon. It’s got to be the same with men as romance writers, because men can be pretty damn romantic.
And I refuse to be sexist, cause I appreciate when men aren’t that way with us. (Amen, sister!)
Which authors do you think have had the greatest impact on the romance industry? Why do you think that is?
Ack. I always feel so not qualified to answer this. Also, I tend to think more in terms of what type of brand or marketing gets readers into bookstores buying books, rather than what gets writers to start writing more disabled characters or vampires or kick-ass heroines.
So I think of Vicki Lewis Thompson’s and Carly Phillips’ appearances on "Reading with Ripa" as something that got more women interested in reading romance, or back to reading romance. And one can’t say enough about what Nora Roberts’ preternatural success does for all of romance fiction, because her novels are considered by the "outside world" to have a gravitas generally not afforded other romance.
As a student of the genre, I’d have to talk about Kathleen E. Woodiwiss tapping into something fantastic that spoke to women, because I constantly hear from women that "Flame/Flower" or "Wolf/Dove" are all-time faves. And, love or hate it, "Whitney, My Love" also moved a legion of readers.
Today, Susan Elizabeth Phillips seems to be the author I hear most mentioned by reader and writer alike as having impacted their enjoyment and/or work.
You have the Bellas at Romance By The Blog - how did this community come about and what has it meant to you on a day-to-day basis?
Oh, I love me my Bellas!
I was invited to guest blog on SquawkRadio.com (the group blog of Lisa Kleypas, Eloisa James, Teresa Medeiros, Elizabeth Bevarly, Connie Brockway, and Christina Dodd), and I thought I should have a place for their readers to visit me if they were interested in what I’d had to say.
Plus, as I wrote earlier, I’d wanted to offer romance readers a little safe-haven where they could dish about romance the way I do with my girlfriends, you know, get kinda naughty and all. The Squawk Radio opportunity made me get on the ball and put together the blog I’d "been meaning to get to."
My husband, who’s kind of an Inet guy said, "If you blog it, they will come." And amazingly, that’s what happened, although I do work hard at "viral" marketing, and making new connections with other reviewers and blog owners, cause I want romance lovers to know what’s out there. And I don’t think of other romance blogs as competition. We’re all providing a service, right?
Although I absolutely never go to someone else’s blog and leave a self-serving comment trying to get their viewers to click back to mine. I figure if I comment and someone is curious, they’ll click on my profile and check out my blog. It’s just good blogging etiquette (Ahem. I am writing this down - I suck at etiquette.) But I always love guest blogging somewhere else.
I’m pretty astounded by how much the Bellas have come to mean to me, and I’m almost embarrassed sometimes by the desire I have to go to them to have my spirits lifted. It’s a little unnerving, these intimate discussions the core group of us have in front of the lurkers. But that’s the beauty of the anonymous nature of the Inet. I’m glad we use our power for good, not mean-spiritedness. (Sniff.)
Michelle with fellow Bella, author Monica Burns
I also think I’ve started to take for granted the fact that we can just talk romance "like it matters." But I think that’s a good thing. Why preach to the choir when there are so many good romances and silly topics to discuss?
Oh, and I like when a Bella pops in with, "So, what’s everybody reading?" I’m so immersed in romance all day that I get excited to talk other stuff and forget that folks come to RBtheBlog to talk romance. But I think we go with the flow; I let the Bellas lead me.
[....to be continued....]
And we love you too, Michelle!
Stay tuned for Part 2 of my interview with Michelle Buonfiglio,
scheduled for Monday, December 11th!
Labels: Buonfiglio, interview, Romance by the Blog
posted by Stacy~ at 12/03/2006 11:31:00 PM
| 16 comments
Monday, November 27, 2006:
Many of you know that I am a fan of Michelle Buonfiglio's "Romance by the Blog". She's got some cool stuff coming up next week, so I hope you'll go over and check it out. So here's the skinny, with her permission....
***********************
I know you care about the issues surrounding erotic romance and erotica as much as I do, so I thought you'd like to know about a very important week of dialogue I'm hosting at www.RomanceByTheBlog.blogspot.com
Perhaps you'll help me spread the word about: Romance: By the Blog "Hot Topic Week: Eros, Erotica, and Erotic Romance,"Dec. 4-8. This week of GuestBlogs is constructed to get a dialogue going about what erotica and erotic romance are and are not, as well as what access to the literature has done for women who read it. Bestselling author IanKerner, Ph.D. also will discuss women and sexual fantasy.
Here's the line-up:
Kate Duffy, Senior Editor, Brava/Kensington, 12.4
Adam Nevill, Author/Erotica Editor, Virgin Books, 12.5
Jaid Black, Author/CEO Ellora's Cave, 12.6
Ian Kerner, Ph.D., Author/Sex and Relationships expert, 12.7
Emma Holly, Author, 12.8
I hope you will join me and these special GuestBloggers, and tell your readers and friends about the event. If you have any questions, please let me know.
All Best,
Michelle
Labels: blogging, erotic romance, Romance by the Blog
posted by Stacy~ at 11/27/2006 08:50:00 AM
| 5 comments
