Stacy's Place on Earth
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Monday, May 03, 2010:
19 Things you should never say to a single person

I saw this article last week about "19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person" and it kinda made me laugh. A lot of us have been there, and okay, some of us are still there. You know, that scary place called Singledom, that often times lonely island where married or committed folks give you weird looks like there's something wrong with you, and they're afraid to get too close or else they'll catch it.

No surprise I'm sure, that I live on Planet Singledom. For the most part, I like living here. I don't have to compromise. I can spend my money on me, me, me. I can be messy, take naps, and don't have to talk to anybody if I don't want to. LOVE all that. Of course that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to find someone special, because deep down I am a romantic at heart, and I think sometimes it would be nice to have someone to lean on from time to time. And then there's sex, which can be a whole lot nicer with someone else ;) I've never been the dependent, clingy type, so that might take some getting used to, but to have a guy bring me breakfast in bed or start up my car on a cold winter morning wouldn't be such a bad thing. (I think a single woman must have invented automatic car starters *g*). Someone to go to hockey games with and maybe dare me to actually take those skydiving lessons I keep saying I'm going to take but am too afraid of heights to actually do by myself.

But yeah, being single isn't the worst thing in the world. The times it really bothers me is when I hear one of those comments:
  • So, why are you single? (mostly by personal choice)

  • Are you a lesbian? (nope, but so what if I were?)

  • There must be something wrong with you. (wow, thanx).

  • You're not getting any younger. (um, hello, not dead yet; my life's not over).

As I mentioned in a post from last week, it's not like I'm sitting at home waiting for some guy to come "rescue" me. I have some things planned this year, and hope to start taking a wine appreciation class, just because I've recently developed a previously non-existent interest about wine. And most likely the type of guy I will meet in those kinds of places will not appeal to me anyway. I don't plan on doing things that don't really interest me just so I can find me a man. That kind of behavior doesn't work for me anyway. For those women who work it, good for you. Be proud *g*

Besides, whenever I start feeling sorry for myself, I think of my friend B, who has 3 kids by 2 different fathers and is currently dating an unemployed guy who tried to hook up with her when his girlfriend was lying in the hospital in a coma (she later died from alcohol poisoning), and who's previous "boyfriend" broke up with her on Valentine's Day AFTER they had sex. Niiiice. Yep, now being single ain't quite so bad.

So no, I'm no Samantha from "Sex and the City", but I'm no crazy cat lady either. I'm in the happy middle somewhere, and there are certainly worst places to be.

Single ladies: what's the worst comment you've heard about being single?

Married ladies: what's the worst thing you've heard about marriage?


  1. I love being single.

    I was married and aside from my wonderful children, the marriage sucked. I didn't like it.

    I like my own space, I like coming and going as I please and not having to answer to anyone. I like setting the daily schedule in my home and life. I like spending money MY way and I hated having to answer to decisions I made.

    Apparently, I was just not cut out for marriage! LOL I don't miss it or a husband (though regular weekly sex was wonderful!)- I feel free now. Independent and I love it.

    But I wouldn't trade the time I was married for anything because I have terrific kids and it was a learning experience. I never knew myself so well or what I wanted out of life - and it isn't marriage.

    I love men, but not marriage. I don't regret it, but I'd never go back to it. I like my freedom and complete independence too much.

    The "two shall be one" is not for me, I like being ONE! *grins*



  2. "Why are you so picky?"

    I can't tell you how I hate this question. It's loaded with negative conotations. First, why wouldn't I be picky? It's my life, my heart, my body, right? Second, I respect myself enough to not want to "settle" AND I respect the guy. He's a human being deserving of true affection. I would never want to treat someone like that. I'd rather be alone than do anything half-hearted.

    Thanks for the post, it's fun to vent some Singledom frustration :-)

  3. Another single woman here. I too have been asked "Why am I so picky?" or told if I wasn't so picky I might have a husband and children by now. I think I have a right not to settle just to be with someone. I've even asked those who said it to me if they settled just so they could be married.

    I love having my own space and not having to answer to anyone. Yes I would love to have a man in my life, but I'm not willing to just hook up with anyone so I don't live alone. I admit I can be a bit messy and like to have total control of the remote. My brother stays with me sometimes between acting jobs. Love to visit with him, but really am glad when I have my house back to myself.

  4. Great Post!! Being Italian descent you're an Old Maid at 14 LOL. I always got the "Nobody's Perfect" line. I'd say, "I'm not waiting for Mr. Perfect, I'm waitng for Mr. Perfect For Me." That would shut them up & he was worth waiting for.
    I also didn't understand why we'd take a $20,000 car for a test drive but not test drive a guy we're going to be married to hopefully for ever. :)

  5. I'm married. I think the most annoying thing I was told was that I had to start having kids right away or my eggs weren't going to be viable. All downhill after 30 blah blah. This was from a doctor who was just divorced. He was a jerk. I just met him. I didn't ask his opinion. Also he assumed I wanted kids. What. An. Ass.

  6. Great post Stacy. See, I don't ever get asked the 'why are you single question'. Honestly, I think everyone has assumed that I won't ever get married or have children. I had my brother point out last year that his partner wants another child before she gets older. There was silence at my end of the phone before I pointed out that I am a older than his partner and haven't had children yet but hope too. All he said was 'Oh'. Quel surprise.

    My grandmother asked me once (she's had a few too many vodka and tonics :) in front of all her friends at a party she was hosting why I didn't have a man. I pointed out I had yet to meet someone as wonderful as my grandfather (and then had to leave the room as I got the giggles from watching my grandfather roll his eyes). My grandmother never asked me that question again :)

    Bottom line, I'm still working out why I am the way I am...and I have such a long way to go before I will be able (not comfortable but able) to share my life with someone. Sometimes the knots we tie ourselves into to keep ourselves safe and very hard to untangle. And so yes, it may be too late...but at least I'll know I've tried :)

    Sorry for the long comment!

  7. I'm very happily single and plan to stay that way. I always say, "I think, therefore I'm single." :)

  8. I liked being single but love being married. The worst comment was "Well, you better get started on those babies. You'll aren't getting any younger."

    I love having someone at home with me(and no a cat or a dog just don't do it). But, if I had married a jerk, like some of my friends did, I'd just shoot myself. I'm sorry not just anyone would do.

  9. I prefer being single for several reasons:
    1. No picking up HIS clothes and stuff.
    2. No listening to bitching every time I re-arrange the house
    3. No sharing the bed with someone who snores

    Now, I miss having someone to kill the big nasty bugs, mow the lawn and rock my world at odd times. I miss having someone to take me out on dates every once in a while and I miss having a husband when my son looks at me and in front of EVERYONE asks me to find him a father that won't leave (he doesn't realize that WE left and I don't have the guts to correct him). Sometimes I miss getting one of those big hugs that makes you feel safe, but I've put up with a helluva a lotta shit in the past and I just don't feel like it anymore. I don't miss these things badly enough to go hunting for men. So...oh well.

  10. A friend of mine was dating a guy who lived interstate. She PAID for his flight to visit her (I believe the tix were non-refundable) and he sent her an EMAIL on her BIRTHDAY to give her the flick. So, I know what you mean about niice!

    As for me, I was nearly thirty before I met my hubby and I had despaired of ever doing so. If you want it, it will happen even if it takes a while. In the meantime, you sound like you're living life and enjoying yourself which is probably half a step up on what I was doing before I met *the one*. (and by that, I mean that I wasn't a totally pathetic loser but I did pine just a little(!) and it sounds like you've got better things to do, so good on you. And srsly, anyone who asks you "what's wrong with you?" - ditch 'em. How rude!!

  11. The grass is always greener. And I say that as someone who is happily married, but there are moments when I miss the freedom of my single, kid-free life and the ability to be totally selfish.

    There are parts of being single which suck. It can be lonely. It can seem as though everyone except you is in a relationship. Thing is, though, not all of those relationships are happy. There are a couple of my friends who I think would be better off single because their partners are dickheads.

    It takes a strong woman with a lot of self-confidence not to give into the pressure to settle for a man she knows is not The One simply to not be alone.

  12. Sorry it took me so long to comment on this--I meant to the week before last, but work distracted me.

    Anyway, once when I was at work this total stranger asked me if I was married and when I said no, he said, "Why? Are you gay?" Yeah, cuz that's the only other option!!!! Uhg, people.

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