Recently I read a post at a blog that I came across in my "travels"; it was someone I don't even know but the latest post at her blog was about an incident that had happened to her very recently.  The reason that I am even mentioning it is because it really struck a cord with me. Here's the situation: This woman explained at her blog that she's engaged, and her fiance had a bachelor party, complete with music, booze, strippers - the whole nine yards. She was completely fine with that - she knew beforehand what his plans were and thought it was okay if he enjoyed himself with his buddies. "Enjoyed himself". Well, that's an open statement because, see, he definitely decided to enjoy himself to the fullest, using the reasoning (however sound or unsound it may be) that it was his last night of freedom and "anything goes". Basically he enjoyed himself a little too much with not one, but three strippers, putting on a drunken show in the living room for the guys before retiring to the bedroom to continue the fun and games. One of the guests at the party was actually the woman's relative, and decided it was best to tell her most of what he saw (which excludes the bedroom activities). The woman confronted her fiance about the bachelor party; he confessed to what he did, stating that he thought it was his "right" to live it up before tying himself down to one woman for the rest of his life. Said woman, understandably upset by those comments alone, threw him out of their apartment, changed the locks, and ultimately called off the wedding. What really confused her was that they never had trust issues before - she never saw it coming. She was hurt, but she was also angry, and not willing to just let it go.

I completely agree with her. I would have done the exact same thing, including going on the honeymoon to Hawaii without the lying bastard. I know that a lot of bachelor and bachelorette parties have similar goings-on, and some couples are totally okay with the "last hurrah", but I would not be among them. Let me explain why.

When you start dating someone, it's not like you give up seeing other people immediately (unless it's decided upon by both parties). You are attracted to this new person, getting to know them, but not thinking about jumping into a commitment right away. As time goes by, you either feel a stronger connection or it stays in the superficial stage, so you pretty much know if it's going to be a serious relationship or a temporary situation lasting a few weeks. If it's serious, usually at this point you agree to see each other exclusively. If things are really wonderful, you realize you're in love and you've met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and hopefully he feels the same way. Then your life really becomes amazing when he asks you to marry him - to spend your life with him, to start a family, to face the future together, to begin a new and exciting chapter in both of your lives.

Now, somewhere between dating and making a commitment, any wild oats to sow should have been sowed already. If you consciously decide to be serious with someone, and you say the words and agree on it, that should mean just that. And by the time you decide to marry that person, you sure as hell better not be seeing anyone else, definitely not for sex. Once you've decided to pop the question, that's it. There are no "last hurrahs", no "one last night of freedom" before tying yourself down. Nuh-uh. When you make a promise to someone, then your job is to keep that promise.

How can this woman really trust her fiance again? If he can justify his actions once, there's a greater chance he will do it again in the future. Was his night of debauchery really worth losing the woman he planned to marry? I know some guys have a strange thing about the women they marry - they don't want them to engage in certain types of behavior - not the (future) mother of his children, oh no. Heaven forbid they should like to get down and dirty. But that doesn't give him a valid reason for what he did at all. Get over it, dude. A woman can be just as sexual as a man, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. This guy obviously didn't realize how lucky he was.

So you could definitely say I have a problem with what this guy did and definitely feel he betrayed his promise to his fiancee. I just have to wonder how he would have felt if she had done something like that at her bachelorette party (she hadn't, btw) - I doubt he would have been very understanding...