Stacy's Place on Earth
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Thursday, April 29, 2010:
We are our own worst enemy

I have to rant a little here, about how frustrating it is to see beautiful, successful women like Kate Hudson having plastic surgery. Kate is a little bit of the kind of woman I wish I was (only a little, mind you). I was always envious of her vivacious personality, her cute looks, her ability to attract people to her. I'm so the opposite, so people who are so alive and full of energy intrigue me. I was disappointed when I saw these pictures because I really thought she was happier with herself. I guess that's what Hollywood can do to you. Give the most well-adjusted person low self-esteem.

I don't watch "The Hills", but yesterday morning on my way to work, I was listening to the radio and the DJ was playing back some audio from Tuesday night's episode, featuring Heidi Montag. Part of what I heard was a conversation Heidi had with her mother about how she thought Heidi was prettier, more natural, before she had all that plastic surgery.

The new Heidi doesn't look horrendous, other than the fact she can't move her face, which is pretty creepy, but I didn't see anything wrong with what she used to look like. Thing is, young, blonde women with oversized, fake books, spray-on tans and bleached hair are quite common these days, so thinking she's setting herself apart isn't quite the reality of it. Personally, I like the "before" version myself. She looks happier. Also because I think your mind is in a healthier place when you haven't been made into a Stepford woman. Once you start with the improvements, where will it end? You're already thinking there's something wrong with you, but now start believing it so strongly that you're never happy. You can't stop the aging process.

(To see the before and after pictures of other celebrities, check out these "WTF happened to your face?! pics).

I think women are our own worst enemy. We tend to pick on those imperfections. We can be spiteful and catty and pea-green with jealousy. (Like how jealous I get over all the books Mandi reads LOL). We point things out to our friends and sometimes we're convinced the only reason "she" got the job is because she must have slept her way to the top. Granted, sometimes that might be true. But other times we bring it on outselves, and it starts at home. We obsess over our weight because if we weigh more than 110 pounds we're overweight, never remembering that it's better to be healthy-looking than emaciated. We're never tall enough, slim enough, curvy enough, dainty enough. We have double chins and blotchy skin and awful hair. What are we teaching our daughters, our nieces, our sisters? Even our sons, nephews, brothers about how to treat women? We've got men so confused already, but now we refuse to let them do a simple courtesy such as hold a door open for us. Oh no, that's sexist. Pul-leeze. I get irritated when people don't say "thank you", so no, I don't believe those rare displays of good manners are sexist. It's common courtesy, and it's a dying concept.

But back to the topic. I do understand what it's like to look in the mirror and find myself severely lacking. In fact having seen recent pictures of myself I have to wonder just how much I'd have to save up to get some work done, and I admit the thought has crossed my mind more than once. I'm a realist and I know I'm not that pretty, and I've decided to accept that reality because the alternative is rather depressing, but some days it's really hard. That's when I force myself to look away from the imperfections and go find a friend and hang out, go to a movie, or do anything other than obsess over what I don't got. Because what I do have is a small yet dear circle of friends that I can count on, as well as an online community of romance readers who I treasure more and more everyday. I have a decent job that pays fairly well and allows me to feed my book habit and occasionally lets me travel. I live just outside of a great city that I'm just starting to explore. As I've gotten older, I've become more brave, and find that there are many things I can do on my own. I've driven several times by myself to the Lori Foster event every year, which is about a 5-hour drive. I took a cruise by myself. I'm not going to sit at home and let life pass me by.

Would you ever consider changing anything about yourself?

What positive things do you do to remind yourself of just how special you are?


  1. I commend you on your ability to not let life pass you by and strike out on your own to experience things like the cruise and Lori Foster's event. I have such a hard time doing that. I am a single mother so once my kids are old enough, I hope that I will have the courage to get out and enjoy things even being by myself!!

  2. Great post! This has been a popular topic in my group of friends lately. Why are we as women so hard on ourselves.

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  4. Here, here Stacy! What an excellent post. Something I always try and keep in mind is that beauty is only skin deep, truly. As an example, the daughter of a very good friend of mine is stunning, as in drop dead gorgeous in appearance, she is a successful model (she has had breast enlargements but she was beautiful to look at even before that) and heads turn when she walks by - both male and female. However - she is a shrew, with a capital S and has been extremely unkind to her mother and father.

    So I guess what I'm saying is that if a person tries to be decent to others, be good to their family and friends and remember what is REALLY important in life then that is what matters. Beauty IS only skin deep and what is underneath is what counts. As for Hollywood - *shakes head* - no comment.

    Have I thought about having surgical intervention to change my appearance? No. Why? Because everything starts to sag as you age anyway. That being said, to each their own and if it would make a person happy it is an individual decision! I will say sister-in-law had a face lift a number of years ago and it matters jack now.

    You are a good person Stacy and that is what matters.


  5. I am in the process of trying to get to a healthy weight, only because I know I feel better/healthier at a lower weight.

    I too am trying to do more things on my own. I signed up for RWA this year. I'm lucky it is in Nashville, so I don't have to pay for a hotel room too. I'm so looking forward to meeting all the friends I spend time with online everyday. I'm a pretty shy person until I know people, so this is a big step for me.

    I've also joined a 5K training group to help with my getting healthier plan and I'm meeting with about 60 strangers to train for a 5K over 4th of July weekend.

  6. The one thing I would change about myself is my weight-mainly b/c it's gotten much higher then what I'm comfortable with. As for Heidi-she does look happier in the other picture, but that was before Spencer, which makes me wonder how much of the surgery was his idea and how much was hers-but that could be a whole blog post by itself.

  7. I have created an excel spreadsheet of what I"d like to change about myself:

    metabolism of a Angelina Jolie
    longer legs
    less cellulite (scratch that) no cellulite
    luminous skin
    tan skin
    less booty

    I could go on and on. I think the only semi-cosmetic procedure I've been contemplating is hair removal via laser. I do live in Southern California so I am surrounded by fake boobies, fake tans, & botox - getting hard to remain au 'natural

  8. If given the money, there are plenty of things I would change about myself. Some people really develop a distorted image of themselves, though, which I don't think is the same thing.

  9. I have always been one to do things on my own so for the most part if there is something that I really want to do and can't find someone to go with me I will go alone. The exception is I don't go to certain resturants alone because people stare at you because you are alone. Wish that didn't bother me but it does.

    As to the body image I think "hollywood" has made us have very unrealistic expectations of what we should be.

    For the most part I am ok with how I look. I have been overweight my entire life and am trying to get back to a "healthy weight" for me. I don't think I am pretty at all but beauty is in the eye of the beholder as they say so I am not all caught up in looks.

    The two things I would change about myself if I had the money are my teeth (would get caps) hate the dentist and will probably wind up with false teeth eventually because they are much cheaper than caps.

    I also have been seriously thinking of getting laser eye surgery. I have poor eye sight too. Not a good thing for a reader. This has become much more affordable in the past few years and I will probably get the courage to get it done eventually. My draw back is I am chicken and have the fear that mine would get "messed up" somehow.

    I think Heidi Montag looks very unproportined and unnatureal and personally I would never want to look like that.....the boob job is very overdone. If it's what she wants though more power too her but personally I think she is very insecure and it's more Spencer's idea than her's. It's sad really that someone can let another person have that much say in what they look like. I think she looked MUCH better in the before picture.

  10. Stacy - I'm going to bookmark that post and read it again and again whenever I get down on myself. And yes, I've thought about changing things...but your post has me thinking...'cause no matter what I do I will never be happy with the way I look, I will always see the imperfections...and that is something only I can change...internally.


  11. Very thoughtful post Stacy.
    I do see a difference tho between
    Kate & Heidi. Kate enhanced something that balanced her body.
    Heidi just out & out changed herself. I wonder what the psycholological affects are of looking at a starnger in the mirror.

    Some people suffer from body dysmorphia. They obsess over their self image & have an unrealistic
    view of themselves.

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  13. Great post Stacy!

    I have a young daughter, so I hope she always has a positive attitude toward her own body.

    I do feel sorry for Heidi who in her world, someone must have thought she'd be better with the enhancements, unfortunately, it has had the opposite effect.

    Kate Hudson on the other hand was trying to get her body back to how it appeared before baby. (I know some of us wish we could as well, lol). I feel sorry for her because she was always small, but went to nothing.

    I hope the young girls in our society realize that it's not necessary to be model thin, movie star endowed, brightened and tanned, pulled and lifted. It's all unhealthy, and something I wished I'd discovered when I was younger.

    Thanks for a great post, it much appreciated!


  14. Nice post! I realize the older I get the more I am happy with who I am. Sure I am not a movie star or model and I never will be. I will not get something because of my looks... and I'm okay with that. I have a wonderful husband and loving family. As I grow older I get more confident and create my own sexiness through that confidence. I have stopped buying any celeb and women's magazines. I stopped following the celebrity lifestyle... I don't need to be reminded daily of the life I don't have and frankly don't want. I feel much better when I am not comparing myself the the fake women on a daily basis.

  15. I pity poor Heidi and those that use plastic surgery to enhance what they have and those who feel they can't eat or must stick a finger down their throat to stay at an acceptable weight that media portrays.

    They must be very unhappy, depressed and lonely people inside.

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